"What Am I Going To Do Without You?!"

Don and I haven't had this conversation in a long time. There hasn't been a real need until recently. I'm going on a retreat this weekend. I'm scheduled to speak on "Inner Healing" and "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made."




Don: "What am I going to do without you?"

Me: "Ummm.....(smiling sheepishly) Yeah, what are you going to do without me?"

Don: "I don't know. When you're not here I feel so lost."

Me: "You scared you're gonna have to cook or clean huh? Maybe you're just scared that you're gonna have to iron your shirt on Sunday morning."

Don: "I know! Ya see what am I going to do without you?"


Some say he's spoiled, but I say he's well loved. Well, okay, I must confess, maybe he's a little spoiled. It's out of my love for him that I want to serve him. God used him to bring healing into my life. If my husband hadn't loved me unconditionally without any strings attached, there's no way I could go to a retreat and talk about inner healing.

I'm the first to say that I was a handful when we got married. I was an emotional train wreck still left on the tracks because no one knew how to rescue me. How could someone rescue me when they couldn't come within 3 feet of my space because I would shut down and shut people out. I had to protect myself and didn't want love from anybody. Love hurt. That's what I thought because everyone who said they loved me, hurt me.

Then one day this farmboy comes along from a small town that I have never heard of and captivated me with the love that's so rare. He modeled I Corinthians chapter 13, the love chapter. He was able to breakthrough to me and demonstrated the Godly love that I read about in the Bible.

My husband would treat me so good that I remember crying to a friend one day. I was crying because I read in the Bible that we're not suppose to have idols. I thought God was going to remove me because I may have been an idol in Don's life. Then I found out that he was just loving me like Christ loves the church.

Recently I over heard a brother from church asking my husband if he was spoiled. I wonder what gave him that impression?! I'm not sure how many men read my blog. I need to ask my husband if he does.....But for those of you men who do, if you want to be spoiled, love your wife like Christ love the church.....with no strings attached. For the women who read my blog, allow him to love you. No, he's not going to be perfect. Perfect love comes from the Father. If you give him a chance to love you as best as he knows how, he will learn along the way. He will learn even faster if you stop telling him how to do it. You can demonstrate by your actions in giving him honor and reverence.

I'm really going to miss my husband and children while I'm gone. One things for sure, I'm so glad that my husband feels lost without me than lost when he's with me.

First Ministry

Yes that's me in the center surround by the people I minister to everyday. Some may say that it looks like my life is centered around my husband and children. They are absolutely right because it does.

Yesterday I was on a conference call with my pastor, his wife and two other sisters that have become such dear friends to me. My pastor was encouraging us because he saw the things we were doing in the church. Things I do because I just love doing them, ex: encouraging women, cooking meals for new moms, helping out where ever I can, ect. My pastor wanted to publicly acknowledge us during our 40th Annual Women's Conference by giving us the title of Deaconess Missionary. He said we were already doing the work and wanted to make things official.

During this conference call, my pastor reminded us that our family comes first. Myself, along with the other sisters on the call agreed 100%. It was at that moment that I realized just how blessed I am to be under leadership that promotes family first above ministry. I'm not sure if my pastor or his wife ever reads my blog, but I wanted to say "Thank You!"

Being in the church for so many years I've seen on multiple occasions where a woman neglects her home for the sack of the ministry within the local church. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying anything against being active in church. What I'm saying is how can a woman go and help other people in the church when she won't even help her husband and children.

As funny as it may sound, I've seen women cook meals for other families in the church and won't even cook for her own family. A woman will go and clean someone elses home while hers looks like an F5 made it's way through it. She will be the first to raise her hand if her pastor asks for volunteers, but ignores her husband's request for assistance.

As our children were growing up, we didn't allow them to sit in the back with their friends and goof around. We kept our children with us. We wanted to worship as a family. Too often in the church, parents are so focused on making sure they are getting their "blessin" that they don't know what their children are doing. Some parents may be shocked to know that their childs first intimate encounter occurred at church.

Now that I have some adult children, it tickles me at times that they still make their way to the front row to sit next to us.

I haven't been the perfect wife or mother. Never have been. Will never claim to be. One thing I do know is that my family will always be my first ministry.