Has Sandra Died Yet?

As I passed by the mirror today, I stopped for a moment to take a look at the reflection sharing back at me. It had been a while since I've taken inventory of what's really inside of me. Not sure why I felt a need to take inventory, but I did. It is not because things aren't going good in my life, but I wanted to see what others saw when they looked at me. It's obvious that others can not see the hidden man of the heart. Only God can. One thing I do know is what's in my heart will eventually come out of my mouth. Whether I want it to or not. The Scripture tells me that out of the abundance of my heart, my mouth will speak. That I will be justified by my words and condemned by them also.

How can I go day after day, doing the same routine over and over again without feeling like insanity is lurking around the corner waiting to attach itself to me the minute I turn my back?

As I pondered this question, I couldn't help but notice the words "I" and "me." Then it hit me. It's all about me. Not the Christ who dwells in me. Repentance must take place because I have not followed the plan laid out for me in the Word of God.

Have I died to self yet and realize that it's not about me, but Him? I thought I did, but with my own power I seem to somehow manage to resurrect my flesh and give into the god of "me"ism.

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." -Galatians 2:20

In order for me to continue to do what God has called me to do, I have to crucify "me." There are times when my flesh does not want to serve my family, my church and the people around me. Why? Because it's an inconvenience for me, it doesn't fit into my schedule and the things I really want to do that day. Others may not know that I feel this way at times, but if I don't die to self on a daily basis they will. Eventually it will flow from my mouth. When it does, I won't be around to clean up the vomit that's just been spewed. I'll be busy taking care of "me."

As a mother and a wife, I want the words that flow from my mouth to be pleasing to my family. Words go into eternity and they can't be taken back. I don't want this to be about me because it's not. It's about Christ. He (Christ) must increase, but I must decrease.