Monday, October 19, 2015

A Battle Scar Mixed With Tiger Strips

Real.
Raw.
And from my heart.

I struggle with my body imagine. I am not sure if my struggle is normal. Most conversations I have
with women about body imagine revolves around losing weight. Yes, I do need to lose weight. Not a little weight either. Let's just say the love handles are easy to grab. The love handles are an issue along with the title of this blogpost.

Birthing children the natural way never came easy for me. I have had four cesarean sections. Across my lower abdomen is a scar. Each time I see that scar, I feel as though my body betrayed me in some way. That scar is not suppose to be there. One look at that scar will send a range of emotions.

I stand closer to the mirror only to see strips that resemble those of a tiger. I want to talk about my tiger strips. If other women have tiger strips, I want to hear about them. When I am having a heart to heart conversation with another woman, I hope she brings up the subject of stretch marks. Perhaps she is waiting for me to talk about it first.

Why the struggle?

I read an article online about how to look sexy for your husband. While reading it, there were some helpful tips. What was not helpful was the picture that came with the article. The woman was not nude or anything like that. She was just perfect.

Later that night my husband wanted to leave the lights on. No special reason. He just wanted to look at me. My mind reflected on the article I read earlier that day. I have never had a problem with him looking at me. I am happy my husband still wants to take a look at this ole gal.

Within minutes he could tell that something was wrong. It took a little time, but I finally opened up. I could not understand why the body that I felt betrayed me; left me with a scar and tiger strips could be so pleasing to his eye. At that moment, I was not comfortable in the skin that I was in. Not my caramel skin as he calls it. The skin that was warped from bearing children.

My husband told me that he was proud of my scar. That scar meant that I bore him children. He had never noticed the tiger strips until I had him take a closer look.

I found out in the midst of that conversation that when I speak negatively about my body, it hurts him. It hurts him because that is not how he sees me. He sees a scar. Not just any scar, but a battle scar. He asked me to start loving my body for just the way it is.
Cannon Beach, Oregon at a women's retreat
I am starting to love my body. The body that I thought once betrayed me was created by the Creator of heaven and earth. My Creator took time to form this body out of my husband's rib. Having a battle scar mixed with tiger strips is on the same body with the breast to satisfy my husband at all times and he is to be ravished always with my love. (Proverbs 5:19)

Loving yourself means loving your body as well. 

8 comments:

Tiffany said...

This was beautifully written. I think most women who have carried babies can relate. It's hard having stretch marks. You should read this article on c section mommas. It's so beautiful and had me in tears: http://www.cordmama.com/blog/2015/4/8/three-truths-about-c-section-mamas

Deanna said...

Hi from Kansas!
SO many of the women that are photographed for commercials and advertisements, magazines, books, programs are not what they seem. We're fooled into believing all is real. Make-up babe. Make-up. Growing older with our "imperfections" isn't viewed as what everyone desires. Your post is beautifully written. You're real! Our scars are reminders of what we have gone through. When all is said and done, we go onto glory. For now perhaps our husbands can grow more and more in love with us because we are real women with glowing personalities and attractive characters.
I won't be the first to talk about stretch marks.
Grins,
d

Donalacasa said...

Beautifully honest. My scar from my 4 C-sections are a reminder to me that my prayers were answered even if I didn't get to keep one of them as long as I would have liked. My out of shape overweight body reminds me that while I could be living only for me, my family is my life and my constant source of joy. The last time I looked at my body when it had no scars and a 22-inch waist, I was alone. The fullness of my body reflects the fullness of my life. <3

Tawanna Cullen said...

I love this. Thank you for your honesty and opening up this conversation that many many many of us feel. I've had 2 C-sections. I have a scar and it certainly is another mark on my body along with the tiger stripes. I feel so imperfect and embarrassed. I can lose weight but I can't seem to fade those scars. I'm glad for modesty lol! I think I would be hindered even more if I felt pressure to wear skimpy swim wear. That was never my focus, but knowing the scars under modest wear makes me cringe and want to hide away. My husband has never complained about the scars. Not once. I'm thankful for that too.

Love Abounds At Home said...

Thanks ladies for your comments and words of encouragement.

The Journey said...

I understand about this. I have similar feeling at times- I have more than c-section scars so for me, it means be thankful this day and age and you are alive. We women are harder on our ownselves.

Lauren said...

This is very encouraging. I'm a widow with two children, and I too have had 2 C-sections. I always wonder how a man other than my deceased husband will accept my body after birthing and breastfeeding two children. I pray if I marry again, he will be able to look past my battle scars and see something beautiful.

memorial garden benches said...

What a great post! It's beautifully written. Thanks for opening up this conversation!