A Battle Scar Mixed With Tiger Strips

Real.
Raw.
And from my heart.

I struggle with my body imagine. I am not sure if my struggle is normal. Most conversations I have

with women about body imagine revolves around losing weight. Yes, I do need to lose weight. Not a little weight either. Let's just say the love handles are easy to grab. The love handles are an issue along with the title of this blogpost.

Birthing children the natural way never came easy for me. I have had four cesarean sections. Across my lower abdomen is a scar. Each time I see that scar, I feel as though my body betrayed me in some way. That scar is not suppose to be there. One look at that scar will send a range of emotions.

I stand closer to the mirror only to see strips that resemble those of a tiger. I want to talk about my tiger strips. If other women have tiger strips, I want to hear about them. When I am having a heart to heart conversation with another woman, I hope she brings up the subject of stretch marks. Perhaps she is waiting for me to talk about it first.

Why the struggle?

I read an article online about how to look sexy for your husband. While reading it, there were some helpful tips. What was not helpful was the picture that came with the article. The woman was not nude or anything like that. She was just perfect.

Later that night my husband wanted to leave the lights on. No special reason. He just wanted to look at me. My mind reflected on the article I read earlier that day. I have never had a problem with him looking at me. I am happy my husband still wants to take a look at this ole gal.

Within minutes he could tell that something was wrong. It took a little time, but I finally opened up. I could not understand why the body that I felt betrayed me; left me with a scar and tiger strips could be so pleasing to his eye. At that moment, I was not comfortable in the skin that I was in. Not my caramel skin as he calls it. The skin that was warped from bearing children.

My husband told me that he was proud of my scar. That scar meant that I bore him children. He had never noticed the tiger strips until I had him take a closer look.

I found out in the midst of that conversation that when I speak negatively about my body, it hurts him. It hurts him because that is not how he sees me. He sees a scar. Not just any scar, but a battle scar. He asked me to start loving my body for just the way it is.

Cannon Beach, Oregon at a women's retreat

I am starting to love my body. The body that I thought once betrayed me was created by the Creator of heaven and earth. My Creator took time to form this body out of my husband's rib. Having a battle scar mixed with tiger strips is on the same body with the breast to satisfy my husband at all times and he is to be ravished always with my love. (Proverbs 5:19)

Loving yourself means loving your body as well. 

Proverbs 31:12

 

As a Christian, I strive to be like that woman Proverbs 31 makes reference to. So often as I’ve read this passage of Scripture, a key verse was overlooked. It was verse 12.

One day I sat down and pondered this verse. I was quite puzzled because I didn’t understand why this verse stuck out to me and why I couldn’t get it off my mind. I was being a good wife and a good mother. I meant no harm to my husband. I wanted the best for him. That’s when I had an “ah ha” moment. This verse says all the days of her life. That means every single day. Even on those days when I didn’t feel like it or thought my husband was worthy enough.

You see there are some days when I don’t do my husband good. It’s those days when I allow my heart to be controlled by my feelings. Those days when I allow my thought life to be controlled by what I see. Yes, it’s those days when my flesh takes control because it no longer wants to be denied. My flesh says, “You don’t have to serve him today. You did enough on yesterday.” It’s on those days when I die to my flesh that I serve my husband with a joyful heart. I think twice before I say something that may hurt his ego. I put his needs above mine. Therefore, I must die to self on a daily basis to make sure I do him good and not evil all the days of my life.

Serving Selflessly

Last week I was so excited when my husband received confirmation that his shift will change this week due to Spring break. That excitement continued throughout the week. I made so many plans for the family. As the days went on, my list of plans grew.

Yesterday after church my husband took me for a drive through the country. We talked. We laughed. We even flirted with each other. I then asked him what time does he have to be at work the next morning. I knew it was early, but how early I wasn't sure. He told me the time to be at work. He didn't stop talking there. He asked if I was going to make him breakfast like I always did when he worked the early shift.

My first thought was, "What about you letting me sleep in on Monday mornings and you getting up with the kids? You've allowed me to sleep in since September."

A wise woman once told me that I shouldn't say everything that comes to my mind. I'm glad I remembered that at this moment. My flesh wanted to rise up sing the "Me Song." I had begun to really enjoy my Monday morning sleep-ins. I had a routine established where I would stay up late on Sunday nights and catch up on emails, Facebook and making long distance calls.

My first calling is to my husband before anything else. The emails, Facebook, long distance phones, ect, will always be there. My husband needed to be served. Served by me. Although this service to him required me to give up something that I've become accustomed to, I still needed to serve. Serve with a thankful heart. Thankful that I have a husband who goes out and works hard to take care of his family. A man who hasn't called in sick for work in 20 years. A man who needed me to serve him selflessly.

This morning I made him a delicious breakfast. A breakfast of champions, as my son would say.

Before he left for work, he prayed for me. He asked the Lord to consume my day and the day of our children.

Boy do I love it when he prays for me!

What shall I make tomorrow morning for breakfast? :)

Following him as he pursues Him

Call me a girl who's living in a fairy tale and I'll tell you that this is reality. Reality is that I have this unquenchable desire for my husband and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I must start off by saying, we are not perfect. Far from it. But there's a love so deep. This love continues to be fueled by the passion we have for God. I know my fore-mothers are disappointed in my choice of living a "subservient" lifestyle, as they call it. I call it freedom. Freedom to walk in my calling and live my life as a fascinating woman. Not only am I a fascinating woman, as my husband calls me, but I'm fascinated. Fascinated by a man who strong enough to be a man. Yet gentle enough to understand me, a woman. A man who's confident enough in who he is as man by encouraging me to be a woman. As a woman, God places such a high value on me. God said it wasn't good for my husband to be alone. He values me, a woman, so much that He created me to be a helpmeet to my husband. Now if being a helper makes a woman subservient in the eyes of some, so be it. Although, I must confess.....I love being a helpmeet to my husband.I love waking up in the morning thinking of ways I can help my husband's day go better.
Since I'm confessing stuff, I must confess that I pick up my husbands dirty clothes off the floor. I know he's a big boy, but I love to take a whiff of his shirts after a hard days work. He smells so manly.I must confess that I plan my meals around the foods he likes. There's no better sound in the world to me than my man grunting while eating a delicious meal I've prepared.I must confess that my body doesn't belong to me and I've freely given it to him. With a smile on my face too. Oh how I love reaping the benefits. Freely give. Freely you shall receive. How my heart aches for women who have good husbands, but chose to believe the lies by our fore-mothers. Our fore-mothers told us to follow no man. There are numerous Godly men who are just waiting for there wives to trust them. I encourage my sisters to follow them as they pursue God. 

Frank & Laura's Wedding

This past weekend we had the privilege of attending the wedding ceremony of Frank & Laura. They were married a year ago, but took this time to have a renewal. I absolutely love wedding because there's something so much deeper going on during a wedding ceremony. It's a commitment that two people make before God, family and friends. The theme was country and western.

My husband was so honored when he was asked to officiate the ceremony. My husband has known Frank since the late 70s when they lived in Hermiston. They were Royal Ranger Commanders in Outpost 86. The wedding ceremony couldn't have gone any better.

Laura was one of the most beautiful brides I'd even seen. This was our first time meeting her. She was so warm and loving. She welcomed us with open arms. As a wife who has the tendency to notice how other wives are with their husbands, I noticed a similarity between Laura and I. We are both engulfed in our husbands and look at them with such awe.

We are so happy for Frank. We love him dearly and prayed for some time that he would find someone special. Not just anyone, but someone special. It fills our heart with joy knowing that he's found that special person.



As a family we took this opportunity to enjoy each other and relax on the farm.









Frank's sister sang this song for the ceremony.

A Wife's Special Thoughts About Her Husband

As a wife, when I have thoughts about my husband it brings a smile to my face. I know sometimes I may get on other people's nerves because when I start to talk about my husband because I can go on and on. I guess you can say he so intrinsic. I've never met a man with so much integrity in all my life. I marvel at the thought of his strong stance on the Word of God. I love sitting on the couch surrounded by his children listening to him lead our family in devotions. He sets an example for us as we watch him deny his flesh when fasting for long periods of time.

Each night before I close my eyes to sleep, he reads to me the "Scripture for today was...." I lay there listening to the sound of his voice as the God of Word proceeds from his mouth. Then he proceeds to pray a blessing over me and that God will give me a good night's rest and sweet dreams. When I get up in the morning and go into the family room, I love to catch him on his knees before Our Father. I quietly tiptoe back into the bedroom as my heart rejoices over Don and the God we serve.

I know I'm not the only woman who has special thoughts about her husband. I read a poem this morning that blessed my heart.

A Wife's Special Thoughts About Her Husband
by: Laurel Atherton

A husband is the one special man who brings every happiness and shares every sweetness with the woman who is fortunate enough to be his wife.

A husband is the one special soul who is the love of her life.

A husband is a desire to never be apart.
He is the answer to one of the most important questions anyone can ask;
he is whom you want to spend all your days with.....always.
No one else is quite like him.
No one else is capable of reaching you in the same way.
There is something wonderful about him that brightens the days and makes dreams come true.
He is the one man in the world you want to walk with along life's path.
Together, the two of you have warmth of every today, you still do.
And forever, he will be the one you want to be beside as you discover everything tomorrow has in store.

A husband is your one special man, and you wish he could really understand how wonderful he is. Because there is no one you could possibly love more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*What special thoughts do you have about your husband. Think about it and write it down. If the thoughts that come to your mind aren't special, deny the flesh and write anyway. You'll be amazed at the flames that can rekindle when you press through.

The Obedient Wife

The Obedient Wife
by: Robert Arthur Miller

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said ,

'Wait just a moment!'
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said,

'Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied, 'Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.'

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?'

'I sure did,' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it.'

Love In Marriage Can Last Forever.....

Love is something to share with a wonderful person;
and once it's there, you've got to make it last.

Love isn't something to be taken for granted. It's something to be nurtured and cared for and caressed.

Love can last forever...if you want it to.

Love isn't tough and tentative; it's wonderful and gentle and tender.

Love is mysterious, but it asks that you share no secrets.

Love is blind, but it asks that you see how happy it can make you.

Love is more like a flower than a tree; the wrong things can hurt it so easily.

But the right things can make it more beautiful and more fragrant than anything else your life has ever known.

Love is something to be treated as the best of all blessings; and as your own little miracle that will keep coming true as long as you want it to.

~Barin Taylor

Marriage Is a Promise to Love

Marriage is a covenant between two people who deeply sense that their lives are, and always will be, shared as one.

Marriage is the fulfillment of a dream and an awareness that reality also can bring us the beauty of dreams.

Marriage is a promise that today is the beginning of a future that will nurture love, respect, honor and mutual faith as the greatest strengths for its foundation.

Marriage is an understanding between two sensitive, intelligent, and caring people who have evidenced that true love can survive all obstacles and grow stronger with the passage of time.

~Edith Schaffer Lederberg

What do you see?

Has anyone asked you lately what do you see when you look at your husband? I for one can answer no. It's a question that I do have to ask myself sometimes.

On Wednesday morning of last week I took a look at my husband. I no longer saw him through the eyes of a woman who was abused and rejected on the day her married her. I still remember when he asked me to marry him. I told him I was a mess and he would be taking a big chance by marrying me. He said okay and married me at his own risk. (Now that I think about it, maybe I should have made him sign a waiver. haha) It baffled me until one day when I realized he saw something in me. He was looking at me through a set of eyes that were not his own. He saw me through God's eyes.

When was the last time you saw your husband through God's eyes?

A times I can be so quick to jump up and judge the motives that I think are dwelling within the heart of my husband. He'll respond to something I said not quite how I wanted him to. Or he won't respond at all. Then I have to say to myself that maybe he responded the way he did because he really didn't understand what I was saying. Maybe he's upset and thinks I want him to solve all my problems. At that moment I have a choice to make. I can allow the enemy who's job is to come between us by allowing him to kill the moment and make something out of nothing. Steal the moment by taking away precious time that I can focus on the good that's within my husband. Or cause this to make me bitter and eat away at me for hours or days and eventually destroy what we've built. I choose neither of those. However, I do choose to see the purity that dwells within him.

When I can see the purity that dwells deep within his heart, it allows him to be transparent and open his heart to me. He doesn't have to be afraid of me dwelling there because I'm looking at those good things. I'm looking at the vision that God has given him regarding our family. I can see him wanting to be vulnaralble without appearing weak. Those sweet words of affection for me are hidden there in that secret place. Oh how he wishes he had just the right words to express them. I love dwelling here because this space is so big. I can see so clearly how he views me as a mother and how it saddens him when I'm too hard on myself. His heart rejoices because I'm content with the simple things in life.

As a woman, I'm bombarded with words from others and images from the ads that tell me I need to question his motives. I can't allow anyone or anything to question the motives of his heart. I know his heart because I dwell there. As I'm there dwelling in his heart, I see someone who's familar. I love this place, his heart. Here I get to see him.

Marriage Is a Lifetime of Love

Marriage embraces two people in love for a lifetime of sharing.
Marriage is a unique sharing of day-to-day events.
It's having someone with you in spirit to give support and love at all times.
Happiness in marriage doesn't just happen.
A good marriage requires time and devotion; it's often filled with compromise and sacrifice, as two people learn to live together in harmony.
In marriage, little things become big.
It's important to never take one another for granted and to always be able to hold each other.
Marriage is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
Being married means having a lifetime best friend, someone to laugh with, dream with, and cry with.
The true foundation of marriage is giving love continuously and unconditionally from one's heart.
~ Sherry Jill Shaw-Levine "Marriage Is a Promise of Love"