My plan has been a success in keeping the energy bill low. I wish I could say that for the mold. I didn't make it clear to the children that the fan needs to run while taking a shower and leave the door open for a bit afterward. At least until you can see the mirror.
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| These are not my curtains. |
The other day, my son mentioned that the liner needs to be replaced. He said he would pick up one while he was out. He took his little sister with him because he had a few stops to make. I'm thankful that he enjoys having his younger siblings tag along with him.
I was so excited. Not because he was picking up a new liner, but because he was driving by a place that sells my favorite drink. He makes it a habit to pick up his momma a special drink every time he passes this place on his way home. I walked him to the door and squealed about how much I would enjoy this drink. He asked if I had a coupon. I didn't and checked online. No new coupons that day. He kissed him momma goodbye as always.....
Three hours later they returned home. When I heard his key turn the doorknob, he entered. Alas, no drink in his hand, but a shower curtain liner.
My face must have shown disappointment. I'm still working on having a poker face and not letting my feelings show. Smiling for me is the norm. When I'm not, something may be wrong. I must confess though, it's very hard for me to hide my emotions. They are written on my face.
He asked what was wrong. Giving him the response that we women give, I replied, "Nothing!" Knowing all the while I was upset. Upset because he didn't give me wanted I wanted.....
He apologized and informed me that he was getting ready to replace the liner. I asked him what color did he get. When he said it was a white liner. I felt my nostrils flare. Trying to keep my cool. The key word is trying. I asked him when has he ever saw me put up a white liner in the bathroom. He stood there. Stunned because he didn't understand why I lashed out the way that I did. How was he suppose to know that my shower curtains are ecru and a white liner was borderline blasphemy in my eyes?!
Later that night he was saying goodnight. I responded in a kind, but somewhat cold way. Then it happened. The moment when I was convicted by my actions toward the son who needs the hugs and the "I love you" the most.
Had I withheld the things that he needed the most all because things didn't go my way and I didn't get what I wanted? Had my son spent his whole evening wondering why I was upset when he was really trying to help me? Did I withhold love and affection from my husband and children because I didn't get my "special drink" and the liner was white?
Did it really have to go down like that?
No it didn't, but it did.
How do I pick myself up after behaving the way I did?
No, I wasn't screaming at the top of my lungs making my husband and the children scurry for cover. No, it was worse because it was subtle. The hugs weren't as tight and long as usual. The "I love you" didn't have the normal spunk. The daily talks with my sons on their latest business venture didn't occur because I was "busy." Busy with what? Sulking in my flesh that didn't get gratification that day.
That's when the Scriptures that I've quoted so many times came back to my remembrance:
"Your Word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You." -Psalm 119:11
I had sinned in my heart. My heart wasn't pure at that moment. I allowed my wants to over ride the needs of my family. I had to run to the mercy seat of my Father. It's funny, when we sin, we want the mercy of God. When others sin, especially if we feel they sinned against us, we want judgment.
Just like the Psalmist David, I too, had to say, "Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." -Psalm 51:9-12
Seeking forgiveness and forgiveness was granted, I hugged and hugged my family.
As wives and mothers, how many times do we hold back our love, time and affection from our family because of how we feel? Or because they didn't perform or do what we asked or wanted? I wonder if we as women realize how much power and influence we have in our homes.
I want to encourage you to grab hold of this Scripture and apply it to your life and home:
"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so." -Proverbs 3:27.
Oh, he didn't get my the drink because he simply forgot and got side tracked. Ha!
7 comments:
Oh, Sandra! Once again you have spoken to my heart. I am so proud of you and honored that you chose to show us such a moment of imperfection in your life. I feel it is so important for women to be honest with their struggles, and what you just did here spoke to me in two ways: first-remembering to be kind and loving even when feel like we might not want to be, and two-I don't feel so bad that I am not "perfect" it helps to be reminded that we are all human and can stray off of the path, what is important is that we still try and push forward. Thank you for being a teacher of both. I needed it today!
p.s. A few weeks ago I read a study about the human eye and brain processes and it's correlation to gender. ( I'm a bit of a nerd ) and a woman's brain is better and more accurate when assessing a color spectrum than men are. Mostly inconsequential, i know, but fascinating none the less. :P
How funny that you prefer ecru. I probably would have been sulking if it weren't bright white. :)
Wow! I think the Lord was using you to speak to me tonight! This post was so very convicting! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing! What an awesome word. Blessings & Happy New Year, Mrs. Sandra!
I grew up in a less than affectionate home. I didn't have a daddy and my mom showed her love in practical, less intimate ways. Now as a young woman, I struggle with intimacy and affection.. my godfather, who is my covering, relentlessly shows me the love and affection I have needed from a father and inwardly longed for my entire life, but I withdraw and even coldly reject him often. Not because I don't love him but because of how I have been wired and how it makes me feel. This post was convicting for me. How I so greatly desire not to bring that into a marriage.. or into motherhood. I know it is selfish and I don't want to hurt others like I have been hurt in the past. Thank you for sharing! I hope you are well.
Love,
Shani
P.S- I am working on my poker face too, someone a mile away can tell if there is something wrong with me. . . Lord, help me!! :)
Thank you for sharing this.
Sadly, it has "gone down" like this in my house, too!
Love your site.
I call my 'not so nice face' the 'lemon face'. You know, you look like you've just sucked up a whole mouthful of SOUR lemon.... not pretty. Thank you for sharing this (I know I'm a little late in commenting). I sometimes feel very 'condemned' (wrong word but can't think of the right one), when I read the posts with the happy smiling woman, with their children loving them, and walking the right path. And I think - I can't do that... And then I read a real post like this one, and hope is restored... Thank you very much. Jo
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