"What Am I Going To Do Without You?!"

Don and I haven't had this conversation in a long time. There hasn't been a real need until recently. I'm going on a retreat this weekend. I'm scheduled to speak on "Inner Healing" and "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made."




Don: "What am I going to do without you?"

Me: "Ummm.....(smiling sheepishly) Yeah, what are you going to do without me?"

Don: "I don't know. When you're not here I feel so lost."

Me: "You scared you're gonna have to cook or clean huh? Maybe you're just scared that you're gonna have to iron your shirt on Sunday morning."

Don: "I know! Ya see what am I going to do without you?"


Some say he's spoiled, but I say he's well loved. Well, okay, I must confess, maybe he's a little spoiled. It's out of my love for him that I want to serve him. God used him to bring healing into my life. If my husband hadn't loved me unconditionally without any strings attached, there's no way I could go to a retreat and talk about inner healing.

I'm the first to say that I was a handful when we got married. I was an emotional train wreck still left on the tracks because no one knew how to rescue me. How could someone rescue me when they couldn't come within 3 feet of my space because I would shut down and shut people out. I had to protect myself and didn't want love from anybody. Love hurt. That's what I thought because everyone who said they loved me, hurt me.

Then one day this farmboy comes along from a small town that I have never heard of and captivated me with the love that's so rare. He modeled I Corinthians chapter 13, the love chapter. He was able to breakthrough to me and demonstrated the Godly love that I read about in the Bible.

My husband would treat me so good that I remember crying to a friend one day. I was crying because I read in the Bible that we're not suppose to have idols. I thought God was going to remove me because I may have been an idol in Don's life. Then I found out that he was just loving me like Christ loves the church.

Recently I over heard a brother from church asking my husband if he was spoiled. I wonder what gave him that impression?! I'm not sure how many men read my blog. I need to ask my husband if he does.....But for those of you men who do, if you want to be spoiled, love your wife like Christ love the church.....with no strings attached. For the women who read my blog, allow him to love you. No, he's not going to be perfect. Perfect love comes from the Father. If you give him a chance to love you as best as he knows how, he will learn along the way. He will learn even faster if you stop telling him how to do it. You can demonstrate by your actions in giving him honor and reverence.

I'm really going to miss my husband and children while I'm gone. One things for sure, I'm so glad that my husband feels lost without me than lost when he's with me.

First Ministry

Yes that's me in the center surround by the people I minister to everyday. Some may say that it looks like my life is centered around my husband and children. They are absolutely right because it does.

Yesterday I was on a conference call with my pastor, his wife and two other sisters that have become such dear friends to me. My pastor was encouraging us because he saw the things we were doing in the church. Things I do because I just love doing them, ex: encouraging women, cooking meals for new moms, helping out where ever I can, ect. My pastor wanted to publicly acknowledge us during our 40th Annual Women's Conference by giving us the title of Deaconess Missionary. He said we were already doing the work and wanted to make things official.

During this conference call, my pastor reminded us that our family comes first. Myself, along with the other sisters on the call agreed 100%. It was at that moment that I realized just how blessed I am to be under leadership that promotes family first above ministry. I'm not sure if my pastor or his wife ever reads my blog, but I wanted to say "Thank You!"

Being in the church for so many years I've seen on multiple occasions where a woman neglects her home for the sack of the ministry within the local church. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying anything against being active in church. What I'm saying is how can a woman go and help other people in the church when she won't even help her husband and children.

As funny as it may sound, I've seen women cook meals for other families in the church and won't even cook for her own family. A woman will go and clean someone elses home while hers looks like an F5 made it's way through it. She will be the first to raise her hand if her pastor asks for volunteers, but ignores her husband's request for assistance.

As our children were growing up, we didn't allow them to sit in the back with their friends and goof around. We kept our children with us. We wanted to worship as a family. Too often in the church, parents are so focused on making sure they are getting their "blessin" that they don't know what their children are doing. Some parents may be shocked to know that their childs first intimate encounter occurred at church.

Now that I have some adult children, it tickles me at times that they still make their way to the front row to sit next to us.

I haven't been the perfect wife or mother. Never have been. Will never claim to be. One thing I do know is that my family will always be my first ministry.

His Stamp of Approval

If I count the times I tried to seek approval of man,
The number would be too great for me to comprehend.

There I was running to and fro,
To only be seen during the show.

What show you may say?
You know, the one where everybody wants to be on display.

Spending all night wondering what to wear,
Cause I knew that those women would be there.

Looking at me up and down,
Would I get a nod or would I get a frown?

Yes, this is my little girl you see,
Wearing yet another "homemade" dress made by me.

But why do I bother you so?
Is it really my clothes or my nose?

I understand you're speechless while you think,
Your crossed eyed looks no longer made me sink.

Please take a closer look at me,
Your stamp of approval you will no longer see.

I'm not sure if you've heard what's being said,
But I've applied something from the Word of God that I read.

I had a choice to please God or you,
God I chose because He will always be true.

I can't believe I strive so hard to be a part of your clique,
All the while I felt guilty ignoring the new chic.

Now I free and a bond servant of Christ,
Wearing His stamp of approval feels so right.

~By: Sandra King

This poem is written after reading Galatians 1:10, "For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ."

As a woman, I can strive so hard to seek the approval of other women. In doing so, I'm not pleasing God because I can be so focused on pleasing other women. I want to be accepted. It's easy to feel like a chameleon.

If I tried to fit in with a group of ladies that looked down on women with more than two children, I would downplay my desire to have more. My heart would just ache because I was wrong. I remember "hanging out" with some women who bashed their husbands. I sat there and tried to conjure up things about my husband because I wanted to participate in the conversation. Only to have the Lord tap me on the shoulder and let me know that I wasn't honoring Him nor my husband.

I love to fellowship with other women. I'd be the first to hitch a ride and share in the breaking of bread. On one occasion when I did, I came home "tripping." My poor husband and kids didn't know what got into me. I came through the door demanding my rights. I had a right to go out when I wanted to. I had the right to go out and eat when I didn't feel like cooking. I had a right not to give my husband sex when he wanted it. I had no idea that I had a right to make him go months without it and dared him to get it from somewhere else. I had a right to go out and get an education in case Don left me. Not only did I have a right, I was entitled to it.....according to what I heard during the fellowship.

I knew in my heart that in order to please God, I couldn't please man. Trying to get a stamp of approval from others will cause you to live in bondage. Christ has come to set you free. When Christ sets you free, you are free indeed. Free from man pleasing. Get His stamp of approval and be free.

Lots of "Mother/Daughter Talks" Going On In My House

On Sunday after church Don and I were in the car with Ruthie. Trae had taken the other kids home in his car and it gave us time with her. Lately, we've been trying to spend a lot of alone time with her. As parents we want to do our best to prepare her for marriage.

Ruthie and I have been having a lot of "Mother/Daughter" talks lately. Some have been so hilarious that I'm laughing as I type this. Some have been serious. Real serious, because we want her marriage to be what Christ intended for it to be. We feel that we would be doing our future son in-law a disservice if we give her to him unprepared. Don and I joke around that we are trying to secure our future and not end up lonely in a nursing home. One sure way to get a quick ticket to the "Seniors R Us Nursing Home" is not preparing our children. We don't want any of our future daughters and sons in-laws to resent us for not preparing our children for marriage. We want them to thank us one day.

As we were in the car, I mentioned to Ruthie that it's going to be nice to have Sunday dinners with her and Ryan. Then I turned around, smiled and said, "You know you're not going to be at our house every night for dinner."

That may sound harsh to some, but as a mother, I want her to establish her own home. She can't do that by being at my house every night. I told her that it's important for her husband to see her at their home and in their kitchen cooking meals for them. Of course we'll spend the holidays together, but even then, I informed her that she must establish holiday traditions for her family. She can use some of our traditions and even some of Ryan's family traditions, but they can have their own traditions as well.

I let her know that I was always here for her and just a phone call or a text away. Also, being a phone call away doesn't mean that we are going to spend hours talking on the phone either. Why? Because I'm building my house as well.

Hack! Hack! Hack! and Sweet Kisses

I received a text message from a dear friend this morning. She said, "Good morning." My text response to her was, Hack! Hack! Hack Crud! Hack! Hack! Crud!, etc..... It's was a good thing she wasn't standing in front of me. She may have been frightened by my manly voice and that awful hacking sound protruding from me. I then informed her that I was battling a cold. A bad one.

I've been under strict orders from my wonderful husband to rest and not do anything. That is very hard for me to do because I love being busy. Busy at home. I had all kinds of plans this week. I planned on taking out some my Spring clothes and putting away Winter clothes. I planned on starting a project that I will give to my precious daughter at her bridal shower. I planned on going to JoAnn's Fabric with my new coupons to see how far my $13 would go.

I took some over the counter medicine, which I don't like doing, but I needed some sleep. I don't remember much about this morning, but I do remember a few things. I remember my husband kissing me on the forehead before he left home to clean the church. The reason why I remember this is because it wasn't just one kiss, but many kisses. And they were sweet kisses too.

I'm not sure how much time had lapsed. Next thing I knew I felt those sweet kisses on my forehead again and this time he was telling me that he was leaving for work. Another thing I remembered was making sure the blankets were just so as I laid back down with a smile on my face. In spite of all the hacking, congestion, chest pain and sore throat, those sweet kisses managed to put a smile on my face :)

The Proposal

Before we homeschooled Ruthie, she met Ryan in middle school at the age of 12. They "liked" each other back then. Ruthie was homeschooled and we moved to Idaho and they lost contact. They found each other on Facebook back in May of 2009.I've always taught Ruthie to let the guy be the one who pursues. I'm thankful she listened. Ryan pursued her like non other. He was determined to get her attention by posting on her Facebook wall and commenting on her status updates. His persistance paid off, but he had another hurdle. My husband. Ryan took all the right steps and consulted Don and got his permission to court Ruthie. After a short time, Ryan asked Don if he could marry Ruthie. Don didn't say yes at first. He told Ryan that he would pray about it and let him know in 2 weeks. Well, a week later Don gave Ryan his blessing with the restriction of not "touching" or "kissing" Ruthie until the wedding day. Ryan agreed. Ryan and my husband now talk to each other at least once a week on the phone. Don told Ryan that now he's a part of the family. Being a part of the King family means lots of hugs and saying "I love you" I watched Don as he embraced Ryan just like he does his sons.

On May 22, 2009 @ 3:00 pm, Ryan and Ruthie will declare their love for each other in front lots of friends and family. We are excited to witness this special occasion and watch their testimony of how a "Father Led, God Inspired" courtship really works. They want to be an example to other single and young people that true love waits. Even waiting to share that first kiss together.

Here's the story of their proposal as told by Ryan and Ruthie.

Ok...so we are gonna be writing this together, so we'll be bouncing back and forth between me talking and Ryan talking...hope you can keep up ;)

RuRu: Well I woke up friday morning...nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't really have anything planned for the day so I got dressed for work and didn't do my hair. Little did I know, today would be one of the most amazing days of my life.

RyRy: Friday morning I woke up and the first thing that was on my mind was...FOOD!!! (haha jkjk) Seriously though...it was Ruthie. Knowing that today would be the day that I ask her to be my wife. Taking the shuttle to the airport from my dorm and getting onto the plane...knowing that she had no clue I was coming..Getting off the plane and riding to the Chapel in her parents car...stepping into the Chapel and spotting the most beautiful woman in the place (and world) singing and worshiping God, and me sitting in the back of the Chapel waiting for it to end so I could propose to her..

RuRu: The funny thing about that Chapel service was that after the first couple of songs, I stopped and looked around..because I could swear I felt Ryan there. You know how you spend so much time with someone and you can feel their presence when they enter into the room?...that's exactly what I felt. I would see people next to me or behind me out the corner of my eye--

RyRy: --Sorry but I just wanted to say that as she was looking around, I thought she had seen me, and the surprise was gone! But thank God she didn't see me!

RuRu: Yeah I had no clue! Ok...so...back to my story ;) I thought you were standing next to me. But I started to rationalize in my mind that "No...he's in school. There is no way he could be here.. STOP THINKING IT RUTHIE!" And the feeling was bugging me the whole way through the rest of the Chapel. Then Chapel ended...I looked around...just to make sure he wasn't there, got my stuff and started to walk through the center isle out the double-swinging doors.. And then, someone told me that someone was there to see me, so I turned around and...there was Ryan! I was in shock haha Literally I was paralyzed and started to say over and over "Are you really here?", and he reassured me that he was :)

RyRy: I'm going to back track and tell you when I was doing leading up to the proposal. I got to the Chapel about 40 mintues til the end of it and so I kind of lost track of what I was actually there for because the Chapel was so moving and powerful that I had to stop and start saying to myself "I am here to propose!!" So with about five mintues to go I went out into the little hallway to wait for Ruthie to walk down the middle isle. When she passed me and her friend told her that I was over by the wall, I started to walk towards her and she went into her "Are you here" stage. And then I told her..."Ruthie, you know i love you. You know that God destined us to be together." Then I got down on one knee and pulled out the ring that was in my pocket and said those four wonderful words..."Will you marry me?"

RuRu: And I looked into his eyes...and knew in my heart...that the answer was yes. And so at the entrance way of the Chapel, with a big group of people around, I smiled and laughed a little...and said "Yes!".... Gosh that was wonderful :D Then we turned around and my parents rushed in, Mom with the camera in hand and captured a few of those precious moments. This was absolutely unexpected and I loved it. Ryan proposed in the most unpredictable and special way. And I'm very very proud to say that I am going to marry him, and spend the rest of my life with this wonderful man!

RuRu & RyRy: Thats all folks!! haha

Oh Foolish Woman, Stop Throwing a Tantrum

Take a look at this picture. Is that you?

I'm naturally an encourager. I can sit and encourage another woman on how to minister to her husband and children for hours on end. What I can't do is waste time watching a foolish woman throwing a tantrum. What she doesn't realize is that in the midst of her walking around the house with her bottom lip poked out because things aren't going her way, she's tearing down her house.

I was reading about her this morning in Proverbs chapter 14, verse 1. "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her own hands."

Does this woman realize the effects that her tantrum is having on her family? Let's take a quick look at what her tantrum is doing to her children.

Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." When a child hears a mother complaining about having so many kids, it causes some confusion. Our children see her reading her Bible and confessing that it's God's infallible Word. They even hear her saying "Amen" to the preacher on Sunday morning. But because she can't do some of the things that her friends without children can do, she pouts. She get tired and frustrated and don't want to cook because she keeps repeating the lie she heard that she "deserves to go out and eat." What about that outfit she saw on sale the other day? It can't be hers this payday because Little Johnny has once again outgrown his shoes.

She allows her mind to contemplate over and over again about how her life can be like if she wasn't "burdened" down with kids. All this while she's walking down the hall kicking the toys out of the way. But don't worry about the kids at this moment. They've become accustomed to her tantrums and they are hidden out of her sight because they feel like it's their fault anyway. Confused, of course, because they know the Bible says they are a blessing, but they are being treated like a burden.

Now where should I start with the poor husband. I can start by talking about his confusion as well. I think he's more confused than the kids. He's spends so many lonely nights thinking about the sweet young girl he married. How can a married man feel lonely at night when his wife is laying right beside him? Remember what I said before, he was thinking about that sweet young girl he married. The woman laying next to him has become grouchy and non-affectionate toward him because she says she's suffering from PMS (premenstrual syndrome). He's really confused because he was positive she was already having her menstrual cycle long before they were married. During their dating time, he was clueless to her suffering from PMS. All he knew is that he was hot stuff because she couldn't stop looking at his body. She had to refrain from touching it, but now he feels like his body doesn't exist to her.

Her husband walks around on egg shells because he doesn't want to say anything to set her off. He's lost his ability to make the final decision as head of his family because he knows if it's one she doesn't like, she won't talk to him for a week. Maybe longer depending on how she feels. He doesn't see himself as the one leading his home, so he won't lead at church either. (Ooops! Did I just say that?! ) Yes he'll come to church with her and the kids. He'll even tithe faithfully, but taking on a leadership role is another story. He feels like he has failed as a leader in his home and don't want to embarass his wife being trying to be a leader at church. Plus he's tired of his wife comparing him to Brother John Doe.

Then one day she gets this great revelation that they are not suppose to be at this church any longer because God told her it's time to leave. Where are they going to go now? Her husband is not worried about them finding another church. He knows that she'll find one for the family. If he doesn't like it, he'll just stay home. This foolish woman is okay with that too. She'll have a chance to show this new church just how spiritual she is. She'll share her testimony to the saints about how she's being obedient to the Word and staying with her unsaved husband.

Whew! This foolish woman is out of control. Doesn't she realize she can make a choice to stop being so foolish? If she would just stop for a minute and cease worshipping the god of Me-ism, she can change. She must first acknowledge her foolishness. She must ask God for forgiveness and take it a step further to seek the forgiveness of her husband and children. She must surround herself with Titus 2 women and allow them to speak into her life. She can become that excellent wife who is a crown to her husband.