Well Behaved Women

On Saturday afternoon I was alone in the car with my honey for the first time in a week. We had just left the church where our oldest daughter had just married and we were on our way to the reception. (I will post about the ceremony later.) We were stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. I was glowing as I laid my head back to rest as Don had asked me to. I had a hard time closing my eyes because I couldn't stop looking at him. I so admired the man sitting behind the steering wheel and just wanted to continue gazing at him as he drove. Being tired, it didn't take long before I drifted off to sleep. As brief as it was, it was refreshing.

We came to a quick halt and I opened my eyes. Don gently put his hand on me to apologize because a car had cut in on us and he had to hit the brakes. I looked at the car in front of us and saw a bumper sticker on it. It said, "Well behaved women rarely make history."

I couldn't stop staring at it because I wondered how many women believe that. I, for one, could not and would not receive that. According to the standards of society, I'm consider a well behaved woman. True as that may be, what's not true is that there's a chance I may not make history.

What does it take to make history?

I have several answers to that questions. When I woke up this morning and ministered to my family by taking care of my home, I was making history. Even as I sit here right now writing this blog, I'm making history. I started on my history making journey when I decided to do things contrary to what was popular. I looked back in history trying to figure out where our society went wrong. In the late 60's - early 70's, there was a shift in our land. Women were told by other women they didn't have to behave anymore. Thus began the feminist movement that was suppose to bring freedom to women. As a child I remember looking around and wondering what happened. Some things in history don't need to be repeated.

In my quest, I found this~
Thus says the Lord: "Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls..." Jeremiah 6:16

I've decided that I'm going to continue to behave while making history. Who knows, maybe I'll be in the history books one day and you may not realize it. I'll be the mother of the worldchangers that you're reading about.

I Can't Find It Anywhere! But I Found.....

As the sweat beads form on my forehead and my freshly washed blow dried hair looks a lot like my sister's senior picture from the 70's, I'm tired from searching for the manual on parenting young adult children. You know that manual that has a step by step guide to parenting young adults and helping them transition into adulthood. Did you see it here at my house on your last visit? Did I loan it to you? Not quite sure now?!

I looked through my list of books on the bookshelf. Searching each spine of the books hoping for something.....anything that has "young adults" written on it. It's got to be here. We have all kinds of books in our library. Books on marriage, raising children, Godly finances, you name it we got it. In my quest to find such a book only produced the one book I always come back to. The Bible.

I want to start off by saying I have great young adult children. I'm so happy that God chose me to be their momma. The problem is really not my young adult children. The problem is with me. I have to rely on God's Word and trust that He is in control. I had to pray for fear of failure as a mother to leave because it started to consume me. It's a trick that the adversary uses against so many Godly mothers. Sometimes when I operate in fear, my mind runs away with "what ifs." My prayer today is that I fully lean on God during this season of my life. I tell women often, "Embrace the season you're in." I need to apply these words to my life.

After reading Deuteronomy 6:1-9, I was encouraged because verse 7 is something that I've applied to my life since becoming a mother. As a mother, God commanded me to teach these commandments to my children. Yes I did, but in order to do it, I had to be there. I did during those long hours of nursing them as infants. Those longs days of walking around with a sore foot from stepping on Legos. Those longs night of being up with sick children hacking in my face and trying to catch the snot on the upper lip of my child before it makes it's way into his or her mouth.

It's a sacrifice that's been well worth it. Now that I have some children in that young adult age, I'm happy I made the choices I did when they were younger. The only thing I regret is spending so much time fearing failure. Thank God for His grace.

I'm not perfect. I'm a parent. So that alone cancels out being perfect. I am confident in His Word and not the word society has placed on me.

I'm confident that my world changers will do just that....Change the world!


¹ “Now this is the commandment, and these are the statutes and judgments which the LORD your God has commanded to teach you, that you may observe them in the land which you are crossing over to possess,
² that you may fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, you and your son and your grandson, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged.
³ Therefore hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you, and that you may multiply greatly as the LORD God of your fathers has promised you—‘a land flowing with milk and honey.’ ⁴ “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one!
⁵ You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. ⁶ “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.
⁷ You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
⁸ You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.
⁹ You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

"What Am I Going To Do Without You?!"

Don and I haven't had this conversation in a long time. There hasn't been a real need until recently. I'm going on a retreat this weekend. I'm scheduled to speak on "Inner Healing" and "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made."




Don: "What am I going to do without you?"

Me: "Ummm.....(smiling sheepishly) Yeah, what are you going to do without me?"

Don: "I don't know. When you're not here I feel so lost."

Me: "You scared you're gonna have to cook or clean huh? Maybe you're just scared that you're gonna have to iron your shirt on Sunday morning."

Don: "I know! Ya see what am I going to do without you?"


Some say he's spoiled, but I say he's well loved. Well, okay, I must confess, maybe he's a little spoiled. It's out of my love for him that I want to serve him. God used him to bring healing into my life. If my husband hadn't loved me unconditionally without any strings attached, there's no way I could go to a retreat and talk about inner healing.

I'm the first to say that I was a handful when we got married. I was an emotional train wreck still left on the tracks because no one knew how to rescue me. How could someone rescue me when they couldn't come within 3 feet of my space because I would shut down and shut people out. I had to protect myself and didn't want love from anybody. Love hurt. That's what I thought because everyone who said they loved me, hurt me.

Then one day this farmboy comes along from a small town that I have never heard of and captivated me with the love that's so rare. He modeled I Corinthians chapter 13, the love chapter. He was able to breakthrough to me and demonstrated the Godly love that I read about in the Bible.

My husband would treat me so good that I remember crying to a friend one day. I was crying because I read in the Bible that we're not suppose to have idols. I thought God was going to remove me because I may have been an idol in Don's life. Then I found out that he was just loving me like Christ loves the church.

Recently I over heard a brother from church asking my husband if he was spoiled. I wonder what gave him that impression?! I'm not sure how many men read my blog. I need to ask my husband if he does.....But for those of you men who do, if you want to be spoiled, love your wife like Christ love the church.....with no strings attached. For the women who read my blog, allow him to love you. No, he's not going to be perfect. Perfect love comes from the Father. If you give him a chance to love you as best as he knows how, he will learn along the way. He will learn even faster if you stop telling him how to do it. You can demonstrate by your actions in giving him honor and reverence.

I'm really going to miss my husband and children while I'm gone. One things for sure, I'm so glad that my husband feels lost without me than lost when he's with me.

First Ministry

Yes that's me in the center surround by the people I minister to everyday. Some may say that it looks like my life is centered around my husband and children. They are absolutely right because it does.

Yesterday I was on a conference call with my pastor, his wife and two other sisters that have become such dear friends to me. My pastor was encouraging us because he saw the things we were doing in the church. Things I do because I just love doing them, ex: encouraging women, cooking meals for new moms, helping out where ever I can, ect. My pastor wanted to publicly acknowledge us during our 40th Annual Women's Conference by giving us the title of Deaconess Missionary. He said we were already doing the work and wanted to make things official.

During this conference call, my pastor reminded us that our family comes first. Myself, along with the other sisters on the call agreed 100%. It was at that moment that I realized just how blessed I am to be under leadership that promotes family first above ministry. I'm not sure if my pastor or his wife ever reads my blog, but I wanted to say "Thank You!"

Being in the church for so many years I've seen on multiple occasions where a woman neglects her home for the sack of the ministry within the local church. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying anything against being active in church. What I'm saying is how can a woman go and help other people in the church when she won't even help her husband and children.

As funny as it may sound, I've seen women cook meals for other families in the church and won't even cook for her own family. A woman will go and clean someone elses home while hers looks like an F5 made it's way through it. She will be the first to raise her hand if her pastor asks for volunteers, but ignores her husband's request for assistance.

As our children were growing up, we didn't allow them to sit in the back with their friends and goof around. We kept our children with us. We wanted to worship as a family. Too often in the church, parents are so focused on making sure they are getting their "blessin" that they don't know what their children are doing. Some parents may be shocked to know that their childs first intimate encounter occurred at church.

Now that I have some adult children, it tickles me at times that they still make their way to the front row to sit next to us.

I haven't been the perfect wife or mother. Never have been. Will never claim to be. One thing I do know is that my family will always be my first ministry.

His Stamp of Approval

If I count the times I tried to seek approval of man,
The number would be too great for me to comprehend.

There I was running to and fro,
To only be seen during the show.

What show you may say?
You know, the one where everybody wants to be on display.

Spending all night wondering what to wear,
Cause I knew that those women would be there.

Looking at me up and down,
Would I get a nod or would I get a frown?

Yes, this is my little girl you see,
Wearing yet another "homemade" dress made by me.

But why do I bother you so?
Is it really my clothes or my nose?

I understand you're speechless while you think,
Your crossed eyed looks no longer made me sink.

Please take a closer look at me,
Your stamp of approval you will no longer see.

I'm not sure if you've heard what's being said,
But I've applied something from the Word of God that I read.

I had a choice to please God or you,
God I chose because He will always be true.

I can't believe I strive so hard to be a part of your clique,
All the while I felt guilty ignoring the new chic.

Now I free and a bond servant of Christ,
Wearing His stamp of approval feels so right.

~By: Sandra King

This poem is written after reading Galatians 1:10, "For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ."

As a woman, I can strive so hard to seek the approval of other women. In doing so, I'm not pleasing God because I can be so focused on pleasing other women. I want to be accepted. It's easy to feel like a chameleon.

If I tried to fit in with a group of ladies that looked down on women with more than two children, I would downplay my desire to have more. My heart would just ache because I was wrong. I remember "hanging out" with some women who bashed their husbands. I sat there and tried to conjure up things about my husband because I wanted to participate in the conversation. Only to have the Lord tap me on the shoulder and let me know that I wasn't honoring Him nor my husband.

I love to fellowship with other women. I'd be the first to hitch a ride and share in the breaking of bread. On one occasion when I did, I came home "tripping." My poor husband and kids didn't know what got into me. I came through the door demanding my rights. I had a right to go out when I wanted to. I had the right to go out and eat when I didn't feel like cooking. I had a right not to give my husband sex when he wanted it. I had no idea that I had a right to make him go months without it and dared him to get it from somewhere else. I had a right to go out and get an education in case Don left me. Not only did I have a right, I was entitled to it.....according to what I heard during the fellowship.

I knew in my heart that in order to please God, I couldn't please man. Trying to get a stamp of approval from others will cause you to live in bondage. Christ has come to set you free. When Christ sets you free, you are free indeed. Free from man pleasing. Get His stamp of approval and be free.

Lots of "Mother/Daughter Talks" Going On In My House

On Sunday after church Don and I were in the car with Ruthie. Trae had taken the other kids home in his car and it gave us time with her. Lately, we've been trying to spend a lot of alone time with her. As parents we want to do our best to prepare her for marriage.

Ruthie and I have been having a lot of "Mother/Daughter" talks lately. Some have been so hilarious that I'm laughing as I type this. Some have been serious. Real serious, because we want her marriage to be what Christ intended for it to be. We feel that we would be doing our future son in-law a disservice if we give her to him unprepared. Don and I joke around that we are trying to secure our future and not end up lonely in a nursing home. One sure way to get a quick ticket to the "Seniors R Us Nursing Home" is not preparing our children. We don't want any of our future daughters and sons in-laws to resent us for not preparing our children for marriage. We want them to thank us one day.

As we were in the car, I mentioned to Ruthie that it's going to be nice to have Sunday dinners with her and Ryan. Then I turned around, smiled and said, "You know you're not going to be at our house every night for dinner."

That may sound harsh to some, but as a mother, I want her to establish her own home. She can't do that by being at my house every night. I told her that it's important for her husband to see her at their home and in their kitchen cooking meals for them. Of course we'll spend the holidays together, but even then, I informed her that she must establish holiday traditions for her family. She can use some of our traditions and even some of Ryan's family traditions, but they can have their own traditions as well.

I let her know that I was always here for her and just a phone call or a text away. Also, being a phone call away doesn't mean that we are going to spend hours talking on the phone either. Why? Because I'm building my house as well.

Hack! Hack! Hack! and Sweet Kisses

I received a text message from a dear friend this morning. She said, "Good morning." My text response to her was, Hack! Hack! Hack Crud! Hack! Hack! Crud!, etc..... It's was a good thing she wasn't standing in front of me. She may have been frightened by my manly voice and that awful hacking sound protruding from me. I then informed her that I was battling a cold. A bad one.

I've been under strict orders from my wonderful husband to rest and not do anything. That is very hard for me to do because I love being busy. Busy at home. I had all kinds of plans this week. I planned on taking out some my Spring clothes and putting away Winter clothes. I planned on starting a project that I will give to my precious daughter at her bridal shower. I planned on going to JoAnn's Fabric with my new coupons to see how far my $13 would go.

I took some over the counter medicine, which I don't like doing, but I needed some sleep. I don't remember much about this morning, but I do remember a few things. I remember my husband kissing me on the forehead before he left home to clean the church. The reason why I remember this is because it wasn't just one kiss, but many kisses. And they were sweet kisses too.

I'm not sure how much time had lapsed. Next thing I knew I felt those sweet kisses on my forehead again and this time he was telling me that he was leaving for work. Another thing I remembered was making sure the blankets were just so as I laid back down with a smile on my face. In spite of all the hacking, congestion, chest pain and sore throat, those sweet kisses managed to put a smile on my face :)