I had an interesting conversation with someone. During this conversation I was told that it seems like I had it all together. My life seems like it's perfect. This person wasn't being mean, but I had to chuckle a bit. I don't have it all together. The perfect life happens sometimes when I'm asleep at night. I'm dreaming of course.
I explained that my passion for marriage, family, purity, and home life, stems from my past. A lot of things happen in my life that would disqualify me to speak on such subject. I failed. I failed multiple times. I didn't do well on some of the tests that I had to take in life. The school of hard knocks taught me many valuable lesson that I've passed on to my children. But God!
God broke down the hard wall that encased my heart. After watching the men around me mistreat women, I vowed to never submit to any man and have him tell me what to do. I wanted to be Ms. Corporate America and bring freedom to women everywhere. Case in point, a friend reminded me of the time I took a briefcase to school in the 8th grade. I was serious about not growing up being barefoot and pregnant.
At a young age I desired marriage and wanted lots of children. If more women are honest, they do too. Fear of having to share my husband with other women caused me to push that desire to the back of my mind. Most of the wives I knew accepted the idea that a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. I was told, "A piece of man is better than no man at all." But my heart was crying out to someday have a husband that would be faithful to me. In my quest to find that at a young age, I failed. I made so many mistakes.
My heart became hard. Bitterness found a recliner and made itself at home in my heart. Bitterness had the nerve to bring a newspaper to read because it knew it would be there for a while. It had found a safe dwelling place.
When I allowed God to change my way of thinking, brick by brick the walls came down. I saw marriage the way God intended for it to be. A wise older woman prayed for me constantly. God sent other women to help me see that my way of thinking was contradicting to the written Word of God.
I could no longer deny my desire for lots of children. I'm a woman. I have a womb. My womb cried out to be filled. To deny the fact that my womb exist, was a denial of my Creator who created it for a purpose.
When the truth was presented to me that all the murmuring about not wanting a man was lie, I became indignant. How dare she confront me and call me a liar? She didn't confront me it was the Word of God.
The Lord God said to the woman in Genesis 3:16, "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, and He shall rule over you."
I couldn't deny it any more. Yes I wanted to be married and have lots of children. Yes I wanted to be a stay at home mom and walk around barefoot and pregnant. I don't like wearing shoes anyway. (By the way, my husband loves me being pregnant. Most men do, although they may not admit it.) Yes I wanted my husband to enjoy my home cooked meals after he came home from work. Yes I wanted a Godly man to make decisions regarding the family. The only way to have that, I had to change.
My life has changed. I've decided to not burn the bra, but put lace on them instead. I don't have to roar in order to be heard. Women don't know the power they have when they use their sweet voices.
My past may not qualify me to teach on certain things. It's not my past that qualifies me. It's God. From a painful past, my passion rise. My passion stems from my past.
*Luke 7:36 ~ A Sinful Woman Forgiven