Sunday, December 12, 2010

Words of Wisdom

Today I went to a bridal shower for a precious young lady that I've come to really admire. Her desire to please God and do what's right has captivated the heart of a man. She and her beau will make a covenant to one another on 1-1-11 at 11am.

After the games were played and the gifts were opened, it was time for "words of wisdom." During this time, married women share words of wisdom to the bride to be. Advice on communication, forgiveness, prayer, etc., are shared with the new bride.

Well, it was my turn. I wasn't sure what I was going to say at first. I knew in my heart what I wanted to say, but I didn't know how to convey the words without being accused of bringing condemnation. Flashbacks quickly ran across my mind about the last time I shared my "words of wisdom" at a bridal shower regarding ministering to your husband.

When the video camera came my way, yes they did tape it, I said, "Don't say no."

I breath a sigh of relief after I got the words out. I know that the women knew exactly what I was referring to. Relief didn't last long. Someone asked if I would explain that. I gave a quick version as my heart started to beat at a faster pace. Quickly glancing around looking for tomatoes. I already have enough salsa from the last time tomatoes were thrown at me. Ahhh, no tomatoes in sight. Just love from my sisters in Christ.

I can't remember what I said word for word, but here's my "words of wisdom"....

"As a wife, only you can minister to your husband in a way that no one else is suppose to do. He can go to church every Sunday, listen to the preacher preach God's Word and leave church feeling good. He can go to work 5 days a week and have the boss pat him on his back for a job well done. But what he really needs is for you, his wife, to minister to him by giving yourself physically."

In plain English, I would tell a young lady getting married that her husband will need sex. I would tell her that God has chosen her to minister to this need that her husband will have. A man can get sex from anywhere, but only you, as his wife can minister to him. It's a need that only she was designed to fulfill.

I'm really speaking here to my sisters in Christ. I can't speak to the women in the world. I don't want to pattern my marriage after the world. If we, as Christian wives treat our husbands like the world, we shouldn't be shocked when they act like the world.

I've jumped off the world's bandwagon a long time ago. I no longer string that out of tune guitar while belting out the loud roar of a song that's left many women my age lonely and empty. Instead, I've chosen to embrace God's plan for me. I know my body is not my own. I won't deprive my husband and not minister to him. (II Corinthians 7:4-5)


Becca said...

Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom! This has spoken to me and I say AMEN!

Margery and Don said...

Thanks for the reminder, after 17 years of marriage, and 6 kids, sometimes I would rather turn over. Which only makes him feel rejected, when it really wouldn't take much for me to make him feel loved.

Kela said...

It has gotten SO MUCH better. I've learned very well how to minister to my husband.
The road at first was rocky, but God sustained by my husband and myself. We are more passionately in love!

Becky said...

This is such a hard teaching. My dh and I keep the Family Laws of Purity and it has realigned our views on intimacy. We can see the Father's plan for his creation so much more clearly now.

Lori said...

Thanks for this- as a newlywed.

I wanted to compare this to my faith (Catholic) just b/c I find it interesting. We use the word "sacrament" for marriage- we have the sacrament of marriage. The priest does not "marry" us! We marry each other, with the priest being a witness and a recognition of God's presence, if that makes sense. Every time a married couple engages in sex- we renew this sacrament. We renew our vows- we give each other something only WE can give- something we gave at our wedding and forever.

I believe this is true for all Christians in marriage. Seeing our making love AS a renewal and reminder really helps keep it alive, wanted, and holy.

TMichelle said...

I love your posts. I wish you had time to write more of them, but I don't want you to take any more time away from your precious family God gave you than you have to.

Nabila Grace said...

Beautiful words of wisdom my dear! :o)

The Princess Poet said...

I am a newish reader of your blog & I do love it! However, I feel like I need to say the following regarding "Don't Say No". I agree with you in the sense that Sex is one way we can minister to our husbands & I wouldn't refuse him etc but not all women have sex so easy... We discovered on Honeymoon that I had vaginismus & we have spent the first year of our marriage working it out. Thankfully God healed me 6 months ago but I feel uneasy when I read posts like this because I wonder how a newlywed who might be in the same boat like me will feel. We already feel like a failure after waiting all our lives for our husbands & then our bodies not cooperating, do I say to those women to do it anyways eventhough it hurts? I just want to encourage those who don't have a choice in the matter about God bringing healing & also to talk to an older woman. Something I eventually did but wished I did it earlier. It will get better, in the mean time don't listen to the lies of the enemy coz you are not a failure.
Really sorry for the long comment, I just felt like I needed to say something incase someone is in the same position.

Lori said...


What is/are "Family Laws of Purity"?

Love Abounds At Home said...

Hello Princess Poet!

Thank you for stopping by and reading my blog. I agree with you that there are reasons why sex doesn't come easy for some women. I would never tell a woman to have sex if it hurts. Sometimes a woman hurting during sex it not always physical. Some women have emotional scars that cause just as much pain that need to be worked out. I'm thankful for women like you that will work it out and try to make things better.

I should have gone more in depth when writing my blog post. I was mainly referring to women who deny and so no frequently just because, for whatever reason, not medical. I've met so many women who deny their husbands and then get upset when the husband doesn't understand. At the end of my post, I referred to the Scripture text. It is the same text of Scripture that I give any woman who denies or say no on a constant basis.

I will refer any woman who feels like a failure to not listen to the lies of the enemy. Get help if you need it, whether it be emotionally or physically. When you don't get help, you get the same results. There's help available for women who are struggle.

Anonymous said...

O Amen! Bravo! Well said! This is not said often enough! I certainly believe and practice this often. ;-)

We are now your newest followers. You are more than welcome to come and visit us at our new blog. We would be honored.

God bless,

Mrs. A

Becky said...

@Lori - In the Torah, in Leviticus, G-d gives us rules to follow concerning when a husband and wife should have intimacy. These are referred to as the Family Laws of Purity or Taharat Ha-Mishpachah, in Hebrew.

When we started to follow them, we found that the blessing was having a monthly honeymoon. We also found that we viewed our relationship so much differently when we had to communicate without touching. I discovered that I became so much more sensitive to my dh's needs when we were apart and it made me so much more willing "minister" to him at other times.

Thandi said...

I agree!I can understand Princess Poetry's sensitivity, but at the same time I do want to say that your post was actually quite clear that this was referring to 'able bodied' people. For me, it's like when people post "breast is best" I had surgery at age 13 and cannot breastfeed.I understand where these bloggers etc are coming from though the reminder really hurts :( So..don't feel bad, you don't have to worry that you didn't make it clear enough.It's understood that of course, there are certain situations that make it impossible.

@Princess Poet-so glad it eventually did get sorted out. That must have been so disappointing and hard for you to understand and accept.I've heard and read about it but not found someone who'd gone through it.I pray everything else proceeds smoothly.

Candice said...

I think this is excellent advice! Good for you that you were brave in that room full of ladies! :)