The White Shower Curtain Liner: Did it really have to go down like that?

In my quest to try and conserve on energy, I came up with a brilliant plan that we've been implementing. Since no one lives in the bathroom, we've been keeping the door closed because that room doesn't need to be heated. If you're familiar with keeping a room that's wet in closed quarters, we know what happens. Mold!

My plan has been a success in keeping the energy bill low. I wish I could say that for the mold. I didn't make it clear to the children that the fan needs to run while taking a shower and leave the door open for a bit afterward. At least until you can see the mirror.

These are not my curtains.

I have these pretty lace shower curtains that I've had since my husband and I were married. I take pride in caring for them. I love the ecru color because it's soft on the eyes and gives the decor a more homey feel.

The other day, my son mentioned that the liner needs to be replaced. He said he would pick up one while he was out. He took his little sister with him because he had a few stops to make. I'm thankful that he enjoys having his younger siblings tag along with him.

I was so excited. Not because he was picking up a new liner, but because he was driving by a place that sells my favorite drink. He makes it a habit to pick up his momma a special drink every time he passes this place on his way home. I walked him to the door and squealed about how much I would enjoy this drink. He asked if I had a coupon. I didn't and checked online. No new coupons that day. He kissed him momma goodbye as always.....

Three hours later they returned home. When I heard his key turn the doorknob, he entered. Alas, no drink in his hand, but a shower curtain liner.

My face must have shown disappointment. I'm still working on having a poker face and not letting my feelings show. Smiling for me is the norm. When I'm not, something may be wrong. I must confess though, it's very hard for me to hide my emotions. They are written on my face.

He asked what was wrong. Giving him the response that we women give, I replied, "Nothing!" Knowing all the while I was upset. Upset because he didn't give me wanted I wanted.....

He apologized and informed me that he was getting ready to replace the liner. I asked him what color did he get. When he said it was a white liner. I felt my nostrils flare. Trying to keep my cool. The key word is trying. I asked him when has he ever saw me put up a white liner in the bathroom. He stood there. Stunned because he didn't understand why I lashed out the way that I did. How was he suppose to know that my shower curtains are ecru and a white liner was borderline blasphemy in my eyes?!

Later that night he was saying goodnight. I responded in a kind, but somewhat cold way. Then it happened. The moment when I was convicted by my actions toward the son who needs the hugs and the "I love you" the most.

Had I withheld the things that he needed the most all because things didn't go my way and I didn't get what I wanted? Had my son spent his whole evening wondering why I was upset when he was really trying to help me? Did I withhold love and affection from my husband and children because I didn't get my "special drink" and the liner was white?

Did it really have to go down like that?

No it didn't, but it did.

How do I pick myself up after behaving the way I did?

No, I wasn't screaming at the top of my lungs making my husband and the children scurry for cover. No, it was worse because it was subtle. The hugs weren't as tight and long as usual. The "I love you" didn't have the normal spunk. The daily talks with my sons on their latest business venture didn't occur because I was "busy." Busy with what? Sulking in my flesh that didn't get gratification that day.

That's when the Scriptures that I've quoted so many times came back to my remembrance:

"Your Word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You." -Psalm 119:11

I had sinned in my heart. My heart wasn't pure at that moment. I allowed my wants to over ride the needs of my family. I had to run to the mercy seat of my Father. It's funny, when we sin, we want the mercy of God. When others sin, especially if we feel they sinned against us, we want judgment.

Just like the Psalmist David, I too, had to say, "Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." -Psalm 51:9-12

Seeking forgiveness and forgiveness was granted, I hugged and hugged my family.

As wives and mothers, how many times do we hold back our love, time and affection from our family because of how we feel? Or because they didn't perform or do what we asked or wanted? I wonder if we as women realize how much power and influence we have in our homes.

I want to encourage you to grab hold of this Scripture and apply it to your life and home:
"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so." -Proverbs 3:27.

Oh, he didn't get my the drink because he simply forgot and got side tracked. Ha!

Forgive and Forget?

I woke up this morning reliving an image that played over and over again in my mind last night. It wasn't real, but I walked away from it with a real life changing experience. I see forgiveness in a whole new light.

There I was gathered there among the multitude of people. I really wasn't sure which group I belong to. After all, I could see a little bit of myself in each group. I felt more comfortable being a part of the group of women who mourned and lamented Him.

Our mourning didn't last very long because He told us not to weep for Him, but to weep for ourselves and our children. Why would he say a thing like that? Puzzled by His response to our mourning, I continued to move along the crowd until I came to a rapid halt. Almost falling flat on my face due to the sudden stop, there before me were the ones whom I needed to forgive.

"So glad I didn't fall on my face in front of them. They would have gotten a good laugh." I whispered to myself.

There was no way of moving throughout the crowd now. It was like being packed in a can of sardines. The smell was horrid. It was the stench of bitterness eroding away at the hearts of the people.

As I looked in front of me, I could see a glimpse of Jesus there on the cross. I saw His mouth moving and I was trying to make out what He was saying. It was hard to hear him at first because the crowd was noisy. I had to focus on Him and Him alone because I knew the Words He was speaking were for me. At last I heard.

"Forgive them for they do not know what they do."

Surely I must have been mistaken. Could He have really been talking to me? Maybe it was just my imagination running away with me. I stood there for a minute thinking that in order to be like Him, I must do as He would do.

I turned and looked at the people I needed to forgive. Before I could think twice, I uttered the words, "I forgive you."

As I'm fully awake now and ponder the image that so engulfed my mind last night. I started to wonder if I had to forget what happened. All my life I heard the saying, "you can forgive, but you don't have to forget."

I then remembered that in order to be like Him, I must do as He did.

As Jesus was there on the cross forgiving the world of their sins. He wasn't keeping a mental record so that he wouldn't forget what was done to Him. He forgave and He forgot. I've come to the conclusion that the saying "you can forgive, but you don't have to forget" shouldn't be a part of my life.

How sad it is when people live their lives holding on to hurt because they choose to forgive, but not forget. Many marriages have fallen apart because a spouse chooses to forgive, but won't forget the violations that were made against them. Prodigal children won't return home again because the last time mom and dad "forgave" them, there former mistakes were presented at the family dinner table for all to see. Friendships that had a beautiful bow wrapped around it no longer exist because we can't seem to forget the hurt. The church deacon was embraced after a great error only to be reminded by the saints of his ways each time he came to church.

In order to be like Him and do what He said, I first had to get a definition of what it means to forgive. After that then I'm able to decide if I'm making the right chose by choosing to forgive and forget.

Forgive - to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; to stop being angry with; to pardon; to give up all claims to punish or exact penalty for an offense; to overlook.

As I read that definition, I did not see the words "remember what wrong has been done to you." I read and understood what Jesus was really saying when He said, "Forgive them for they do not know what they do."