Not Withholding Good

Summer is over. I have mixed feelings about it. Mainly because I love my husband's work schedule during the Summer months and I love eating watermelon on a daily basis. Slowly, I'm starting to get back into the swing of a set schedule as I eagerly await for Autumn to officially arrive.

Homeschooling if off to a great start. Our youngest and only child at home has entered her Sophomore year of high school. Where has time gone?...Although being a homeschooler, she's running Cross Country for the local public school that we are zoned for. Their girls Cross Country team is #3 in our state. She had her first invitational meet last Saturday.

As my husband and I were driving up to watch her run, I keep reflecting on something recently I read in Proverbs. Our church has small groups. I purposefully chose to attend the small group with older women. I love to glean from them and from a Biblical stance, I strongly believe in the Titus 2 mandate. So, each week I have the privilege of spending time with a group of older women. Currently we are studying the book of Proverbs. Specifically, the Proverbs 31 woman.

"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, 

when it is in the power of your hands to do so." 

-Proverbs 3:27

That passage of Scripture stood out to me like a neon blinking off and on. The word "good" got my attention.

As I sat in the passenger seat looking at the beauty of the leaves turning orange with spots of crisp yellow burnt leaves in the midst of tall evergreen trees, I looked at my husband wondering if I'm doing "good" when it comes to him and not withholding anything good. He's so low maintenance. He says he only needs two things. One is a sandwich and you know what number two is.

So I asked myself these questions:
1) Am I doing good by preparing meals that he enjoys and satisfy his hunger?
2) Am I doing good by being the best lover that I can be and fulfilling his sexual needs?

To him, these are good things that he desires to have. For me, the power is in me to do them. After all, Proverbs 31:12 says, "She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."

It's All Because of Him That I Serve him

I could feel the cool air coming through the small crack I left in the window last night. With one eye opened, I glanced at the clock. According to the clock and my schedule, I still had two hours of sleep allotted to me. As I lay there pondering if I was going to get up and close the window or go back to sleep, a thought came to my mind.

"What am I going to do today to bless Don?"

To some, it may appear as though my days serving here at home are a complete waste of time and talent. A part me, though, can't help but to think about Jesus who served without hesitation. If I proclaim to the world that I am a believer in Christ and wear the label "Christian", my life should reflect Christ-like behavior.

A wise woman told me years ago that if it doesn't line up with the Word of God, then it should have no place in my life. With that said, what does the Bible say about serving?

"...but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave--just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and give His life a ransom for many."
Matthew 20:26b-28

I want to be like the Son of Man. I want to serve like Him. Serving like Him may consist of sacrificing a little sleep in order to make my husband an omelet at 6 am or 12 midnight due to his work schedule. I learned the hard way that being a true servant means I can't complain when being called upon to serve.

Photo Credit: Captured By Kim

So what did I do for my husband today? He loves baked goods. So I made him some Soft Oatmeal Molasses Cookies.

"She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." ~Proverbs 31:12

His Bride

"You are embedded in my heart. You dwell within me."

Just like the beauty of capturing fireflies in a jar on a warm summer's evening, are the beauty of these precious words spoken to me by my beloved. Once these words were spoken, I pictured myself running through fields covered with lavender being pursued by him. Not running too hard because I longed to be captured and held in his arms. 

"You're imagination has gone wild." as some would say.

Romantic as it sounds and unrealistic as it may be, I have these thoughts often of my beloved and me. For many years I've wondered what could bring a man to express these types of emotions? They say men are suppose to be tough and rugged. They are told being all emotional is wimpy. Somehow, my beloved is able to express himself in such a way that most men would cringe at the thought of doing it. The thought of letting their wives see them in such a venerable state causes a man to turn away from her, rather than let his true feeling show.

Mother's Day weekend was a special time for us. We spent time alone away from the children. Away from everything. Before we left, I knew our time away would be special. How special I didn't know for sure. We made a decision long ago that when we had alone time, it was just that. Alone. Being whisked away so quickly by my husband had me blushing. The excitement alone I could hardly contain, but I knew something would be different this time.....

"You are embedded in my heart. You dwell within me."

I was in awe over his choice of words. Looking into his eyes as I felt my hands being held by the hands that go out each day to provide for the children and me, I asked him to explain what he meant. His example was like that of a tree. The roots of a tree go deep. Roots grow all throughout the soil and intertwine with each other. They grow around hard rocks and still manage to survive.

While the tears of joy fell down my plump cheeks, there was a question that pondered my mind. Don't get me wrong. I was elated. Emotions were hard to contain. Between the tears and the giggles I asked, "What made you say that?"

His response was shocking to me because I didn't realize how important my actions throughout our marriage meant to him.

He went on to explain that I still acted like his bride.

Puzzled by his response because we've been married for some time now. I know there have been times when I didn't "act" my best. I inquired of him to expound so that I can understand. If my action brought out emotions like this, I want to keep "acting" this way.

He went on to explain that I still do the same things I did when we first met. Flabbergasted, I thought for sure I had grown and matured over the years. So being the inquisitive woman that I am, I wanted to know more. I wanted details.

To my surprise he proceeded to tell my that I've remained feminine all these years and still blush as if it's his first time talking to me.

Huh? That's it! I've been whisked away for a romantic weekend. Heard the sweetest words that a woman longs to hear all because I'm feminine and I blush. Surely there's got to be more than this.

Why wouldn't I remain feminine? After all, I knew from the very beginning it was the pink colors, soft shades purple, the twirl of my skirt and the way I curled my hair that kept his eyes focused on me. Blushing just comes naturally because I see the glistening in his eyes and I know what he's thinking upon my arrival to any setting, public or private.

I don't claim to be an expert on how to be the perfect wife. I'm far from it, but I think my husband may be onto something here. As women we long for that man who would open the car door for us. That man who would go out of his way to romance us and swoon at the sight of us. That same man who received a confirmation that yes we will become his bride.

Does your husband still see you as his bride? If not, is it because you no longer act like his bride?

My imagination of a bride consist of a woman who's blushing and makes an effort to be the best whenever she's in the presence of her bridegroom. It behooves us to continue "acting" like his bride long after the marriage covenant is made. Just as marriage represents an earthly relationship of Christ and the church, we are the church. As wives, let us be the example of what the church looks like.

As we anticipate the return our bridegroom, we so eagerly act like His bride. We make sure our hearts are clean because we know that He's coming for a church without a spot or blemish. In the same manner, let us always act like a bride to our husbands. Let our hearts remain steadfast focused on pleasing him only and our thoughts toward him pure.

Serving Selflessly

Last week I was so excited when my husband received confirmation that his shift will change this week due to Spring break. That excitement continued throughout the week. I made so many plans for the family. As the days went on, my list of plans grew.

Yesterday after church my husband took me for a drive through the country. We talked. We laughed. We even flirted with each other. I then asked him what time does he have to be at work the next morning. I knew it was early, but how early I wasn't sure. He told me the time to be at work. He didn't stop talking there. He asked if I was going to make him breakfast like I always did when he worked the early shift.

My first thought was, "What about you letting me sleep in on Monday mornings and you getting up with the kids? You've allowed me to sleep in since September."

A wise woman once told me that I shouldn't say everything that comes to my mind. I'm glad I remembered that at this moment. My flesh wanted to rise up sing the "Me Song." I had begun to really enjoy my Monday morning sleep-ins. I had a routine established where I would stay up late on Sunday nights and catch up on emails, Facebook and making long distance calls.

My first calling is to my husband before anything else. The emails, Facebook, long distance phones, ect, will always be there. My husband needed to be served. Served by me. Although this service to him required me to give up something that I've become accustomed to, I still needed to serve. Serve with a thankful heart. Thankful that I have a husband who goes out and works hard to take care of his family. A man who hasn't called in sick for work in 20 years. A man who needed me to serve him selflessly.

This morning I made him a delicious breakfast. A breakfast of champions, as my son would say.

Before he left for work, he prayed for me. He asked the Lord to consume my day and the day of our children.

Boy do I love it when he prays for me!

What shall I make tomorrow morning for breakfast? :)

I'm Not Half Married

Many times I've conversed with other people about marriage. It's a subject that I'm passionate about and talk about it often. Throughout these conversations, I've often hear others describe their marriage as a 50/50 partnership. Which means each person give 50% to the marriage relationship.

I didn't know you could be half married. 

I always thought when you got married, you gave 100% of yourself. 

I wonder what would my marriage look like if I only gave 50% of myself.

By choice, I'm the primary cook in our home. I pour so much of myself into preparing delicious meals. My family waits with anticipation to taste the latest recipe that I've conjured up. But what would happen if I decided to give just 50% of myself into meal preparation? We wouldn't have the meal time around the table that we have come to enjoy as a family.

By choice, I freely give of myself to please my husband. My goal is to bring him satisfaction. In order to reach that goal, I can't stop half way and hope that a touchdown is scored.

By choice, we've decided that I would be home with the children and my husband would go out and work. Mothering is a full time job. When my babies were younger, I couldn't just nurse them half the time they needed to be nursed. Now that they are older, and need me so much more, I can't just be here for them 50% of the time that they need me.  Where or who would they turn to? The world, their peers, a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Not if I can help it!

My husband and I have a great marriage. We decided from the very beginning that we would each give 100% of ourselves to this marriage union. Giving 100% has proven to be successful for us. After 5 children, we still act like newlyweds. Not a day goes by without an "I love you." Flirting with each other is the norm in our home. It wouldn't be that way for us if we decided to have a 50/50 relationship.

 

I'm giving 100% of myself. Are you?

Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

* I must confess something here. There is one area where it seems that I'm only giving 50%. That's my laundry. My goal today is to give 75% of myself to the laundry! I will accomplish that if I get all the clothes washed today.

The Radiator, Submission and an Unexpectant Blessing

What does a radiator and submission have in common? Nothing really. Unless, you consider the fact that through a broken radiator, I had to decide whether or not I was going to submit my will or His.

Early one morning my husband came home and informed me that something was wrong with the car. With a big heavy sigh, I asked him if he let the car warm up. Then I proceeded to tell him 101 reasons why he should have let the car warm up. 

During the night we had one of the coldest nights thus far. The last thing we needed was a car that was broken. We had just brought it. Things were perfect because I was just issued my driver's license after not driving for some time.

Why would this happen?

Surely, if I get up and go down there the car would start. Yes it started, but idled high and over heated right away.

Don and I talked about what we were going to do. We looked at the money we had in the "car" envelope and there wasn't much there. We didn't know what was wrong with it. He had an idea that it was the radiator. Sure enough, it was.

I asked him if he wanted to have it towed somewhere. He said that wouldn't be necessary because he was going to fix it if I would hold the flashlight.

I just stood there. Outside on a cold November morning watching everything encircle me as I played those words over and over again. My husband has never fixed a radiator, at least I didn't think so.

I opened my mouth to ask him if he had ever fixed a radiator, but before I could finish my sentence, he said, "Honey, because you tell me all the time that I can do anything, I believe I can fix this radiator."

*Side Note: Ladies, please tell your husbands how much you believe in them. Other people can tell him that, but what really matters to him is if you believe in him.

We ordered the radiator. The part came in the next day.

We spent the following morning taking the old radiator out. It was a grueling task. I took the word helpmeet to a whole new level. I did manage to keep my cute skirt clean in the midst of it all.


On the third day, we spent another cold morning installing the new radiator. Got it in but the car wouldn't start. By this time, I was cold, tired and frustrated. Surely he would have someone to come fix it or have it towed.....

We came in and talked about our next move. I had a solution to the car problem. The neighbor next door had just gotten her car fixed by the mechanic down the street. She raved about him. A sister from church highly recommended her mechanic. She really trust him.

I presented my solution to take it to either one of these mechanics. He said no because there's no more money left in the car envelope. That was fine because we could use credit. I don't know why he didn't think of that. If only he would really listen to me. Our car problem could be solved in one day.

My husband said no because he felt that wasn't the answer. That was a quick fix and would put us in debt.

At this point not only did God had to control my tongue. He had to control my neck too. I'm a sistah girl from the ghetto. I know how to roll my neck and tell somebody off. I was very good at it BC (Before Christ).

He asked me to trust him in this situation. I panicked on the inside. I did manage to control my tongue and my neck! My flesh hurt though because I wanted to give into it and usurp his authority as head of our home.

It's easy to submit when you agree. It's when you don't agree that shows what you're really made of. I had to decide if I was going to practice what I teach other women to do. Submit, even when you don't want to or when you feel your husband is wrong. During these times, what's in your heart is really exposed.

Was there something in me that needed to be exposed? I had to step back and pray.....

Day four: We went out there trying to figure out what was wrong with the car. I had to remind myself to not only watch what I said, but my body language. (Note: A whole lot can be said without a spoken word. The body language will say it all.)

Day five: We went out there trying to figure out what was wrong with the car. Car didn't start. I suggested that maybe we should have someone come here to look at it verses towing it to a shop.

He looked at me and said, "That's a great idea."

Our friend couldn't come for another 2 days.

He came. He couldn't figure out what was wrong.

I wanted to bring up having it towed again. I heard a still small voice say, "Shhh....."

Laid down that night later than usual. We all had to get up early and ride in my sons cars to church.

My silent prayer, "Lord you said that if we would be faithful, you would open up the windows of heaven and pour out a blessing that we won't have room to receive. You said that men would give unto us. You said that I'm to reverence my husband and submit to him. I really don't understand, but I trust You."

I kept saying, "I trust You...."

I had to go back home. On my way back to church, Don called me and said a couple wanted to talk to us.

When I arrived at church, Don and I talked to the couple. They had just gotten a new car and wanted to give us their old one.

Our mouths dropped! Tears started to flow.....

They gave us a car! No strings attached. A nice car too.

Had I not come under the submission of my husband, even when I didn't agree with him, I would have missed out on what God was trying to teach me. He was teaching me to trust Him. Trust what the Scriptures say about my role as a wife.

Also, one can say that my husband should have just taken it to the shop. He decided to trust what God said in His word to owe no man nothing.

As a wife to my dear husband, I can trust him as head of our home because God is his head. There's safety in and submission. The rewards are great. Just look at my new car.

By the way, I named her Ginger because she's golden and very pretty!

Oh, I forgot to mention that the dealer where we brought our car from is sending their mechanic to our house to look at the broken car. I'll keep y'all updated ;)

Following him as he pursues Him

Call me a girl who's living in a fairy tale and I'll tell you that this is reality. Reality is that I have this unquenchable desire for my husband and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I must start off by saying, we are not perfect. Far from it. But there's a love so deep. This love continues to be fueled by the passion we have for God. I know my fore-mothers are disappointed in my choice of living a "subservient" lifestyle, as they call it. I call it freedom. Freedom to walk in my calling and live my life as a fascinating woman. Not only am I a fascinating woman, as my husband calls me, but I'm fascinated. Fascinated by a man who strong enough to be a man. Yet gentle enough to understand me, a woman. A man who's confident enough in who he is as man by encouraging me to be a woman. As a woman, God places such a high value on me. God said it wasn't good for my husband to be alone. He values me, a woman, so much that He created me to be a helpmeet to my husband. Now if being a helper makes a woman subservient in the eyes of some, so be it. Although, I must confess.....I love being a helpmeet to my husband.I love waking up in the morning thinking of ways I can help my husband's day go better.
Since I'm confessing stuff, I must confess that I pick up my husbands dirty clothes off the floor. I know he's a big boy, but I love to take a whiff of his shirts after a hard days work. He smells so manly.I must confess that I plan my meals around the foods he likes. There's no better sound in the world to me than my man grunting while eating a delicious meal I've prepared.I must confess that my body doesn't belong to me and I've freely given it to him. With a smile on my face too. Oh how I love reaping the benefits. Freely give. Freely you shall receive. How my heart aches for women who have good husbands, but chose to believe the lies by our fore-mothers. Our fore-mothers told us to follow no man. There are numerous Godly men who are just waiting for there wives to trust them. I encourage my sisters to follow them as they pursue God. 

Shades of Gray

Life would be so much easier if things were black and white. One would be able to tell the difference between wrong and right. There are so many shades of gray that it's hard to define the color. Just like sin. We have turned from the true definition of sin which is a voluntary transgression of a religious law or moral principle.

If I were to take a survey of 10 people and ask them to give me a definition of sin, each will define it according to his or her own standard.

We have defined sin the way we see it. Not the biblical definition of what sin is.

A couple dating can have a night of heavy petting and sexual gratification occur without intercourse. No sin committed they say, but it depends on who you ask.

Many pro-lifers invest in stocks, bonds, 401k plans, etc. with the knowledge that their investments fund abortion providers. I believe they sincerely believe that life begins at conception, but are more concerned that they retire in comfort.

It's hard to find a decent movie that the whole family can enjoy together. How confusing it is for our children to grasp the context that the Bible says that we are to drink from our our cistern (Pro. 5:15) when we watch adultery and fornication with them.

I try not to complain often. When I do, God is swift to remind me that change has to occur within me first. It starts right here in my heart. Checking my heart to see if I've allowed my eyes to see sin through the many shades of gray. Seeking forgiveness if I've become lukewarm in any area of my life. Especially here in my home.

I can roll my eyes behind my husband's back and no one will ever know. But I would know. Yes I can justify it and say it's really not that big of a deal. Oh yes it is. First, the eyes roll. Second, the lip smacking and the rolling of the neck too. (I'm from the "ghetto" and I know how to do that quite well.) Before I know it, words will proceed from my mouth that will not show reverence toward my husband nor glorify my Father. I have to call it what it is. Sin.

I can not outwardly show respect for my husband while disrespecting him in my thought life.

If my heart is right, my eyes will be focused. If my eyes are focused, I can see things more clear. If I see things clear, I'll know the difference between wrong and right. Biblically speaking that is.

Proverbs 3:7 says, "Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil."

"What Am I Going To Do Without You?!"

Don and I haven't had this conversation in a long time. There hasn't been a real need until recently. I'm going on a retreat this weekend. I'm scheduled to speak on "Inner Healing" and "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made."




Don: "What am I going to do without you?"

Me: "Ummm.....(smiling sheepishly) Yeah, what are you going to do without me?"

Don: "I don't know. When you're not here I feel so lost."

Me: "You scared you're gonna have to cook or clean huh? Maybe you're just scared that you're gonna have to iron your shirt on Sunday morning."

Don: "I know! Ya see what am I going to do without you?"


Some say he's spoiled, but I say he's well loved. Well, okay, I must confess, maybe he's a little spoiled. It's out of my love for him that I want to serve him. God used him to bring healing into my life. If my husband hadn't loved me unconditionally without any strings attached, there's no way I could go to a retreat and talk about inner healing.

I'm the first to say that I was a handful when we got married. I was an emotional train wreck still left on the tracks because no one knew how to rescue me. How could someone rescue me when they couldn't come within 3 feet of my space because I would shut down and shut people out. I had to protect myself and didn't want love from anybody. Love hurt. That's what I thought because everyone who said they loved me, hurt me.

Then one day this farmboy comes along from a small town that I have never heard of and captivated me with the love that's so rare. He modeled I Corinthians chapter 13, the love chapter. He was able to breakthrough to me and demonstrated the Godly love that I read about in the Bible.

My husband would treat me so good that I remember crying to a friend one day. I was crying because I read in the Bible that we're not suppose to have idols. I thought God was going to remove me because I may have been an idol in Don's life. Then I found out that he was just loving me like Christ loves the church.

Recently I over heard a brother from church asking my husband if he was spoiled. I wonder what gave him that impression?! I'm not sure how many men read my blog. I need to ask my husband if he does.....But for those of you men who do, if you want to be spoiled, love your wife like Christ love the church.....with no strings attached. For the women who read my blog, allow him to love you. No, he's not going to be perfect. Perfect love comes from the Father. If you give him a chance to love you as best as he knows how, he will learn along the way. He will learn even faster if you stop telling him how to do it. You can demonstrate by your actions in giving him honor and reverence.

I'm really going to miss my husband and children while I'm gone. One things for sure, I'm so glad that my husband feels lost without me than lost when he's with me.

First Ministry

Yes that's me in the center surround by the people I minister to everyday. Some may say that it looks like my life is centered around my husband and children. They are absolutely right because it does.

Yesterday I was on a conference call with my pastor, his wife and two other sisters that have become such dear friends to me. My pastor was encouraging us because he saw the things we were doing in the church. Things I do because I just love doing them, ex: encouraging women, cooking meals for new moms, helping out where ever I can, ect. My pastor wanted to publicly acknowledge us during our 40th Annual Women's Conference by giving us the title of Deaconess Missionary. He said we were already doing the work and wanted to make things official.

During this conference call, my pastor reminded us that our family comes first. Myself, along with the other sisters on the call agreed 100%. It was at that moment that I realized just how blessed I am to be under leadership that promotes family first above ministry. I'm not sure if my pastor or his wife ever reads my blog, but I wanted to say "Thank You!"

Being in the church for so many years I've seen on multiple occasions where a woman neglects her home for the sack of the ministry within the local church. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying anything against being active in church. What I'm saying is how can a woman go and help other people in the church when she won't even help her husband and children.

As funny as it may sound, I've seen women cook meals for other families in the church and won't even cook for her own family. A woman will go and clean someone elses home while hers looks like an F5 made it's way through it. She will be the first to raise her hand if her pastor asks for volunteers, but ignores her husband's request for assistance.

As our children were growing up, we didn't allow them to sit in the back with their friends and goof around. We kept our children with us. We wanted to worship as a family. Too often in the church, parents are so focused on making sure they are getting their "blessin" that they don't know what their children are doing. Some parents may be shocked to know that their childs first intimate encounter occurred at church.

Now that I have some adult children, it tickles me at times that they still make their way to the front row to sit next to us.

I haven't been the perfect wife or mother. Never have been. Will never claim to be. One thing I do know is that my family will always be my first ministry.

Hack! Hack! Hack! and Sweet Kisses

I received a text message from a dear friend this morning. She said, "Good morning." My text response to her was, Hack! Hack! Hack Crud! Hack! Hack! Crud!, etc..... It's was a good thing she wasn't standing in front of me. She may have been frightened by my manly voice and that awful hacking sound protruding from me. I then informed her that I was battling a cold. A bad one.

I've been under strict orders from my wonderful husband to rest and not do anything. That is very hard for me to do because I love being busy. Busy at home. I had all kinds of plans this week. I planned on taking out some my Spring clothes and putting away Winter clothes. I planned on starting a project that I will give to my precious daughter at her bridal shower. I planned on going to JoAnn's Fabric with my new coupons to see how far my $13 would go.

I took some over the counter medicine, which I don't like doing, but I needed some sleep. I don't remember much about this morning, but I do remember a few things. I remember my husband kissing me on the forehead before he left home to clean the church. The reason why I remember this is because it wasn't just one kiss, but many kisses. And they were sweet kisses too.

I'm not sure how much time had lapsed. Next thing I knew I felt those sweet kisses on my forehead again and this time he was telling me that he was leaving for work. Another thing I remembered was making sure the blankets were just so as I laid back down with a smile on my face. In spite of all the hacking, congestion, chest pain and sore throat, those sweet kisses managed to put a smile on my face :)

Oh Foolish Woman, Stop Throwing a Tantrum

Take a look at this picture. Is that you?

I'm naturally an encourager. I can sit and encourage another woman on how to minister to her husband and children for hours on end. What I can't do is waste time watching a foolish woman throwing a tantrum. What she doesn't realize is that in the midst of her walking around the house with her bottom lip poked out because things aren't going her way, she's tearing down her house.

I was reading about her this morning in Proverbs chapter 14, verse 1. "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her own hands."

Does this woman realize the effects that her tantrum is having on her family? Let's take a quick look at what her tantrum is doing to her children.

Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." When a child hears a mother complaining about having so many kids, it causes some confusion. Our children see her reading her Bible and confessing that it's God's infallible Word. They even hear her saying "Amen" to the preacher on Sunday morning. But because she can't do some of the things that her friends without children can do, she pouts. She get tired and frustrated and don't want to cook because she keeps repeating the lie she heard that she "deserves to go out and eat." What about that outfit she saw on sale the other day? It can't be hers this payday because Little Johnny has once again outgrown his shoes.

She allows her mind to contemplate over and over again about how her life can be like if she wasn't "burdened" down with kids. All this while she's walking down the hall kicking the toys out of the way. But don't worry about the kids at this moment. They've become accustomed to her tantrums and they are hidden out of her sight because they feel like it's their fault anyway. Confused, of course, because they know the Bible says they are a blessing, but they are being treated like a burden.

Now where should I start with the poor husband. I can start by talking about his confusion as well. I think he's more confused than the kids. He's spends so many lonely nights thinking about the sweet young girl he married. How can a married man feel lonely at night when his wife is laying right beside him? Remember what I said before, he was thinking about that sweet young girl he married. The woman laying next to him has become grouchy and non-affectionate toward him because she says she's suffering from PMS (premenstrual syndrome). He's really confused because he was positive she was already having her menstrual cycle long before they were married. During their dating time, he was clueless to her suffering from PMS. All he knew is that he was hot stuff because she couldn't stop looking at his body. She had to refrain from touching it, but now he feels like his body doesn't exist to her.

Her husband walks around on egg shells because he doesn't want to say anything to set her off. He's lost his ability to make the final decision as head of his family because he knows if it's one she doesn't like, she won't talk to him for a week. Maybe longer depending on how she feels. He doesn't see himself as the one leading his home, so he won't lead at church either. (Ooops! Did I just say that?! ) Yes he'll come to church with her and the kids. He'll even tithe faithfully, but taking on a leadership role is another story. He feels like he has failed as a leader in his home and don't want to embarass his wife being trying to be a leader at church. Plus he's tired of his wife comparing him to Brother John Doe.

Then one day she gets this great revelation that they are not suppose to be at this church any longer because God told her it's time to leave. Where are they going to go now? Her husband is not worried about them finding another church. He knows that she'll find one for the family. If he doesn't like it, he'll just stay home. This foolish woman is okay with that too. She'll have a chance to show this new church just how spiritual she is. She'll share her testimony to the saints about how she's being obedient to the Word and staying with her unsaved husband.

Whew! This foolish woman is out of control. Doesn't she realize she can make a choice to stop being so foolish? If she would just stop for a minute and cease worshipping the god of Me-ism, she can change. She must first acknowledge her foolishness. She must ask God for forgiveness and take it a step further to seek the forgiveness of her husband and children. She must surround herself with Titus 2 women and allow them to speak into her life. She can become that excellent wife who is a crown to her husband.

Getting Settled

On June 30th we set out on a new adventure. We were so excited because it meant that things had fallen into place for the move. We were transitioning from Idaho to the state of Washington.

On June 29th, we started loading the big yellow Penske truck. We were so blessed to have people there to help us, especially the teenagers that had frequented our home on many occasions. It was bitter sweet for me. I love the people in Idaho and will never forget them. Some friendships that were made there will last a lifetime.

We love our new place. It's better than I could have possibly imagined. Don had talked to me about what we could afford before I started looking. In the back of my mind I was thinking, "It sure would be nice if he could add a little more $$$ to that figure." He expressed his desire to continue having me keeping our home and being here with the kids even though they are getting older. As always I trust my husband because I know he will always do what's best for us. I wanted to honor him and my Lord by coming under his submission.

God came through in a big way for me. We found this place by "accident" but we know it was God ordained. It's only 2 years old. In a gated community. On the very outskirts of town which is where we wanted to be. Granite counter tops with stainless steel appliances with tile flooring. The balcony is to die for with a view of beautiful evergreen trees. They painted accent walls with the colors of my choice. There's a pool and a gym. This place will be our home for the next year at least.

So we are getting settled. I can finally see the carpet on the floor. The boxes are quickly vanishing away. My kitchen is as cute a button with all my cow stuff and farm animals. I love walking by the curio cabinet and looking at my collection of porcelain dolls. I love this place and I'm content with the simple things in life.

Throughout this time I learned that by honoring my husband, God will honor me with the desires of my heart. I'm constantly redoing this lesson over and over again. Maybe it's because submission is not an easy thing to do. I have to deny my flesh sometimes and not tell the brother what I really think. So that means I have to watch my tongue and guard my heart. When I speak words, whether good or bad, they go into eternity and I can't take them back. I want the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart to be acceptable in His sight.

A Wife's Special Thoughts About Her Husband

As a wife, when I have thoughts about my husband it brings a smile to my face. I know sometimes I may get on other people's nerves because when I start to talk about my husband because I can go on and on. I guess you can say he so intrinsic. I've never met a man with so much integrity in all my life. I marvel at the thought of his strong stance on the Word of God. I love sitting on the couch surrounded by his children listening to him lead our family in devotions. He sets an example for us as we watch him deny his flesh when fasting for long periods of time.

Each night before I close my eyes to sleep, he reads to me the "Scripture for today was...." I lay there listening to the sound of his voice as the God of Word proceeds from his mouth. Then he proceeds to pray a blessing over me and that God will give me a good night's rest and sweet dreams. When I get up in the morning and go into the family room, I love to catch him on his knees before Our Father. I quietly tiptoe back into the bedroom as my heart rejoices over Don and the God we serve.

I know I'm not the only woman who has special thoughts about her husband. I read a poem this morning that blessed my heart.

A Wife's Special Thoughts About Her Husband
by: Laurel Atherton

A husband is the one special man who brings every happiness and shares every sweetness with the woman who is fortunate enough to be his wife.

A husband is the one special soul who is the love of her life.

A husband is a desire to never be apart.
He is the answer to one of the most important questions anyone can ask;
he is whom you want to spend all your days with.....always.
No one else is quite like him.
No one else is capable of reaching you in the same way.
There is something wonderful about him that brightens the days and makes dreams come true.
He is the one man in the world you want to walk with along life's path.
Together, the two of you have warmth of every today, you still do.
And forever, he will be the one you want to be beside as you discover everything tomorrow has in store.

A husband is your one special man, and you wish he could really understand how wonderful he is. Because there is no one you could possibly love more.

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*What special thoughts do you have about your husband. Think about it and write it down. If the thoughts that come to your mind aren't special, deny the flesh and write anyway. You'll be amazed at the flames that can rekindle when you press through.

What do you see?

Has anyone asked you lately what do you see when you look at your husband? I for one can answer no. It's a question that I do have to ask myself sometimes.

On Wednesday morning of last week I took a look at my husband. I no longer saw him through the eyes of a woman who was abused and rejected on the day her married her. I still remember when he asked me to marry him. I told him I was a mess and he would be taking a big chance by marrying me. He said okay and married me at his own risk. (Now that I think about it, maybe I should have made him sign a waiver. haha) It baffled me until one day when I realized he saw something in me. He was looking at me through a set of eyes that were not his own. He saw me through God's eyes.

When was the last time you saw your husband through God's eyes?

A times I can be so quick to jump up and judge the motives that I think are dwelling within the heart of my husband. He'll respond to something I said not quite how I wanted him to. Or he won't respond at all. Then I have to say to myself that maybe he responded the way he did because he really didn't understand what I was saying. Maybe he's upset and thinks I want him to solve all my problems. At that moment I have a choice to make. I can allow the enemy who's job is to come between us by allowing him to kill the moment and make something out of nothing. Steal the moment by taking away precious time that I can focus on the good that's within my husband. Or cause this to make me bitter and eat away at me for hours or days and eventually destroy what we've built. I choose neither of those. However, I do choose to see the purity that dwells within him.

When I can see the purity that dwells deep within his heart, it allows him to be transparent and open his heart to me. He doesn't have to be afraid of me dwelling there because I'm looking at those good things. I'm looking at the vision that God has given him regarding our family. I can see him wanting to be vulnaralble without appearing weak. Those sweet words of affection for me are hidden there in that secret place. Oh how he wishes he had just the right words to express them. I love dwelling here because this space is so big. I can see so clearly how he views me as a mother and how it saddens him when I'm too hard on myself. His heart rejoices because I'm content with the simple things in life.

As a woman, I'm bombarded with words from others and images from the ads that tell me I need to question his motives. I can't allow anyone or anything to question the motives of his heart. I know his heart because I dwell there. As I'm there dwelling in his heart, I see someone who's familar. I love this place, his heart. Here I get to see him.