A Battle Scar Mixed With Tiger Strips

Real.
Raw.
And from my heart.

I struggle with my body imagine. I am not sure if my struggle is normal. Most conversations I have

with women about body imagine revolves around losing weight. Yes, I do need to lose weight. Not a little weight either. Let's just say the love handles are easy to grab. The love handles are an issue along with the title of this blogpost.

Birthing children the natural way never came easy for me. I have had four cesarean sections. Across my lower abdomen is a scar. Each time I see that scar, I feel as though my body betrayed me in some way. That scar is not suppose to be there. One look at that scar will send a range of emotions.

I stand closer to the mirror only to see strips that resemble those of a tiger. I want to talk about my tiger strips. If other women have tiger strips, I want to hear about them. When I am having a heart to heart conversation with another woman, I hope she brings up the subject of stretch marks. Perhaps she is waiting for me to talk about it first.

Why the struggle?

I read an article online about how to look sexy for your husband. While reading it, there were some helpful tips. What was not helpful was the picture that came with the article. The woman was not nude or anything like that. She was just perfect.

Later that night my husband wanted to leave the lights on. No special reason. He just wanted to look at me. My mind reflected on the article I read earlier that day. I have never had a problem with him looking at me. I am happy my husband still wants to take a look at this ole gal.

Within minutes he could tell that something was wrong. It took a little time, but I finally opened up. I could not understand why the body that I felt betrayed me; left me with a scar and tiger strips could be so pleasing to his eye. At that moment, I was not comfortable in the skin that I was in. Not my caramel skin as he calls it. The skin that was warped from bearing children.

My husband told me that he was proud of my scar. That scar meant that I bore him children. He had never noticed the tiger strips until I had him take a closer look.

I found out in the midst of that conversation that when I speak negatively about my body, it hurts him. It hurts him because that is not how he sees me. He sees a scar. Not just any scar, but a battle scar. He asked me to start loving my body for just the way it is.

Cannon Beach, Oregon at a women's retreat

I am starting to love my body. The body that I thought once betrayed me was created by the Creator of heaven and earth. My Creator took time to form this body out of my husband's rib. Having a battle scar mixed with tiger strips is on the same body with the breast to satisfy my husband at all times and he is to be ravished always with my love. (Proverbs 5:19)

Loving yourself means loving your body as well. 

Not Withholding Good

Summer is over. I have mixed feelings about it. Mainly because I love my husband's work schedule during the Summer months and I love eating watermelon on a daily basis. Slowly, I'm starting to get back into the swing of a set schedule as I eagerly await for Autumn to officially arrive.

Homeschooling if off to a great start. Our youngest and only child at home has entered her Sophomore year of high school. Where has time gone?...Although being a homeschooler, she's running Cross Country for the local public school that we are zoned for. Their girls Cross Country team is #3 in our state. She had her first invitational meet last Saturday.

As my husband and I were driving up to watch her run, I keep reflecting on something recently I read in Proverbs. Our church has small groups. I purposefully chose to attend the small group with older women. I love to glean from them and from a Biblical stance, I strongly believe in the Titus 2 mandate. So, each week I have the privilege of spending time with a group of older women. Currently we are studying the book of Proverbs. Specifically, the Proverbs 31 woman.

"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, 

when it is in the power of your hands to do so." 

-Proverbs 3:27

That passage of Scripture stood out to me like a neon blinking off and on. The word "good" got my attention.

As I sat in the passenger seat looking at the beauty of the leaves turning orange with spots of crisp yellow burnt leaves in the midst of tall evergreen trees, I looked at my husband wondering if I'm doing "good" when it comes to him and not withholding anything good. He's so low maintenance. He says he only needs two things. One is a sandwich and you know what number two is.

So I asked myself these questions:
1) Am I doing good by preparing meals that he enjoys and satisfy his hunger?
2) Am I doing good by being the best lover that I can be and fulfilling his sexual needs?

To him, these are good things that he desires to have. For me, the power is in me to do them. After all, Proverbs 31:12 says, "She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."

Unashamed: A Miscarriage Survivor's Story

October 15th is National Remembrance Day for Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss.

This is my daughter's story.

August 26th was a day that changed me. I have heard it said that people don't change overnight. Well, I beg to differ. All it takes is one significant event to make someone wake up the next day a different person. For me, the event was a miscarriage.

This pregnancy was completely unplanned and unexpected. My husband and I weren't trying to get pregnant, especially since we had just moved across the country and we had our second child just a few months prior. Yet it seems that God has made us an EXTREMELY fertile couple, despite our efforts to "wait a few years" before having another baby. Just two months after giving birth, I conceived again. 

Over the course of the next two months, my husband and I would casually joke about my daily cravings for slushes and other iced drinks, and the way I would cry at the drop of a hat (both were things that happened while pregnant with each of our sons). Even when I was unable to lose weight and had a few occasions of nausea, we attributed it to the stress of the move and getting the house in order. I had spotting here and there, which I assumed were light periods. I had even taken pregnancy tests that came back negative twice.

Then one day I was working out and started to get a really sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I brushed it off, thinking it was just a cramp and would go away. But it didn't. I started bleeding as well, and thought it was my cycle coming around. This continued for two days. I was in the kitchen that late afternoon on August 26th, getting ready to make grilled cheese, when I felt a sharp pain. I stopped what I was doing and bent over in pain. Something that felt like a huge clot slipped out, and I rushed into the bathroom.

There on my pad was what I was later told was the amniotic sac. I called for my husband and he was worried, so I sent a picture of it to my mom. She called me almost immediately, telling me I needed to go to the hospital asap. Blood and clots were pouring into the toilet so fast I wasn't able to catch anymore pieces of the tissue that was coming out. (After an ultrasound the next day, it would be confirmed that the baby had already slipped out as well, most likely while I was sitting in the bathroom.)

The trip to the emergency room and waiting for an explanation from the doctor took forever. Was this a bad period? Was this lining from my uterus that came out? Surely I wasn't pregnant. I just took a test the other day, and it came back negative. All of these things rushed through my head for hours.

The doctor finally rushed in with a nurse, and they were moving so fast I didn't know what was happening. Next thing I knew, I was in stirrups and heard the worst news of my life. "It seems that you had a miscarriage. You were pregnant, and what you brought in was in fact the amniotic sac. I am so sorry." According to my last cycle the baby was almost 10 weeks old.

I felt like the world had stopped and I was just there. The doctor kept talking, but all I could do was lay my head back down and stare at the ceiling. How? Why? I had two babies already, why didn't this one make it? Why didn't I know? How did we miss the signs? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?

The car ride home was silent. Neither me nor my husband could find anything to say. We pulled into the driveway, and the shock wore off. A tidal wave of emotions hit me and I sobbed uncontrollably in his arms. No physical pain in the world could have hurt as much as my heart did in that moment. The only thing I could say was "Our baby died. Our baby died inside of me, and I didn't even know."

The days that followed kind of meshed together now that I look back. I didn't know one day from the next. I cried a lot, felt a sadness I can't explain. I couldn't go on Facebook without sobbing at the ultrasound pictures various friends were putting up. I held my sons around the clock, and it made me sad knowing I wouldn't get to see that baby grow up. My husband would hold me at night while I cried in my sleep.

People from our church brought meals and prayed with us. I started to develop a friendship with a woman who had a miscarriage many years ago. While it obviously still made her sad when she talked about it, seeing her being able to work through it inspired me. Losing a child isn't something you can just get over, but it does get better with time.

The next six weeks was a roller-coaster of emotions. Some days would be really good. I would think about it and not break out into tears. The next I couldn't stop crying. I was okay one moment, and having a breakdown the next.

My faith in God helped me, and I knew He was there. But if I can be completely honest, I struggled. I wondered why God would give us this baby and not let us keep it. I knew that there was a reason, and even though I couldn't see it, God had a plan for it all. I just wanted to know what that plan was so that things could start making sense. I wanted to be filled with joy again, not random moments of happiness. I received it through God's Word a week ago.

A woman that I admire greatly suggested I look for a verse that led me to Isaiah 54. After reading just the first few verses, I felt what I can only explain as a spiritual awakening.

Isaiah 54:1-7 NLT

“Sing, O childless woman,

you who have never given birth!

Break into loud and joyful song, O Jerusalem,

you who have never been in labor.

For the desolate woman now has more children

than the woman who lives with her husband,”

says the LORD. “Enlarge your house; build an addition.

Spread out your home, and spare no expense! 

For you will soon be bursting at the seams.

Your descendants will occupy other nations

and resettle the ruined cities. 

“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.

Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.

You will no longer remember the shame of your youth

and the sorrows of widowhood. For your Creator will be your husband;

the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name!

He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel,

the God of all the earth. For the LORD has called you back from your grief—

as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,”

says your God. “For a brief moment I abandoned you,

but with great compassion I will take you back.

While I am not barren, my loss of a child is still a loss. And for that reason I believe this passage of Scripture applies me and every woman out there that has ever experienced any kind of pregnancy or infant loss.

I have spoken to friends who have also lost a baby, and most have experienced some level of distance from God. That is not to say turning our backs on Him, or discontinued belief in Him. Not at all. Its more like the latter part of the passage from Isaiah, feeling abandoned. Knowing that God is still God and He loves you just the same, but wondering where He is in the midst of this great heartache.

Isaiah 54 encourages us to sing to the Lord. To rejoice, because the best is yet to come. Out of the hurt and the pain, God will give us joy and expand our territory. The sorrow is only temporary. God can and will bring us to a place of joy in Him, and with that the promise of descendants. This could mean having children of our own, and it could also mean for some to take in those without motherly figures and be that mother to them. Both are just as much a blessing as the other.

Another thing this passage points out is an end to the shame and fear. 1 in 4 women experience some kind of pregnancy or infant loss, but few talk about it publicly. Our culture doesn't embrace the importance of the lives of the unborn, and therefore can downplay the loss of one. 

But we see in Jeremiah 1:5 that God values every single unborn life:

  

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.

Before you were born I set you apart

and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

 David knew this as well when he wrote Psalm 139:13:

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and 

knit me together in my mother’s womb."

Whether you got to hold your baby or never felt a single kick, your loss is important and have every right to talk about it openly. Doing so can help you deal with it better, and you may surprised at how many other women you know that have been down that road as well.

When I came out with the news of the miscarriage, it was amazing the number of people who not only encouraged us, but also related. I got a number of messages from friends who never felt like they could tell anyone about their miscarriages until they saw my posts. Prior to my loss, I couldn't completely understand what other women were going through. I could sympathize, but I didn't grasp what they were feeling.

Having gone through this, I have finally come to a place where I am starting to understand why God allowed this to happen to me. It wasn't a punishment. It wasn't that He didn't love me or think me fit to be a mom. My baby could have had unforeseen health problems, and God saw it would be better to bring them home to Him rather than suffer here on earth. My body could have not been strong enough to take another pregnancy so soon. There are many possibilities, all of which make sense.

In the bigger picture, I know that I was allowed to go through this so that I can relate to and help other women who experience the loss of their child. I am blessed to have a caring family and network of friends to support and encourage me, and faith in Jesus to keep me strong when I am weak. But not every woman has that. I want to use my on-going journey as a tool to reach those women, to show them that it is okay to allow yourself to feel and to grieve. It is okay to talk about it.

And if you are searching for peace and love and cannot find either, maybe its time you give God a chance. You will be amazed at how He can fill in the void, and heal your heart. I am not saying everything will be perfect, because it wont. But God's love is sufficient for you. The peace He gives is greater than any form of meditation or therapeutic activity out there. Its real and tangible and it lasts.

August 26th was a day that changed me. I am not the same woman I was before, and I will never be that woman again. But who I am is a miscarriage survivor. I am a woman unashamed of what I have been through. A woman who, through the love of God, overcame the sorrow and is moving forward. I will never forget my baby, and miss them every single day. I am still on my journey, and I hope through my story more women break the silence and shake off the fear of speaking out with theirs.

My son in-love and daughter are proud parents of two active boys. They first met at the age of 13. They were reunited at the age of 19 via Facebook. They married a year later. Currently, they have two active boys that keeps momma busy throughout the day while daddy serves our country in the United States Air Force.

It's All Because of Him That I Serve him

I could feel the cool air coming through the small crack I left in the window last night. With one eye opened, I glanced at the clock. According to the clock and my schedule, I still had two hours of sleep allotted to me. As I lay there pondering if I was going to get up and close the window or go back to sleep, a thought came to my mind.

"What am I going to do today to bless Don?"

To some, it may appear as though my days serving here at home are a complete waste of time and talent. A part me, though, can't help but to think about Jesus who served without hesitation. If I proclaim to the world that I am a believer in Christ and wear the label "Christian", my life should reflect Christ-like behavior.

A wise woman told me years ago that if it doesn't line up with the Word of God, then it should have no place in my life. With that said, what does the Bible say about serving?

"...but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave--just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and give His life a ransom for many."
Matthew 20:26b-28

I want to be like the Son of Man. I want to serve like Him. Serving like Him may consist of sacrificing a little sleep in order to make my husband an omelet at 6 am or 12 midnight due to his work schedule. I learned the hard way that being a true servant means I can't complain when being called upon to serve.

Photo Credit: Captured By Kim

So what did I do for my husband today? He loves baked goods. So I made him some Soft Oatmeal Molasses Cookies.

"She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." ~Proverbs 31:12

A Wife Like Sarah

When I grasp the concept that there was a pattern set for me to follow to be the best wife that I could be, I scratched my head in amazement. Could it have really been that simple? Well, perhaps.

Casually, I was reading the word of God and something hit me like a ton of bricks. The revelation wasn't so deep that I put it into practice right away. No, I pondered it for a few days. I talked to my husband about it. Then I decided to plunge deeper and study this wife. I wanted to know more about her. I wanted, in a sense, to emulate her if at all possible. Her name was Sarah. She was the wife to Abraham.

Sarah was the type of wife that every man would dream about, but only few men would ever have the privilege of being married to a woman such as her. Sarah was beautiful, though, that may have had something to do with why her husband honored her; but I'm sure there was much more. Beauty is only surface. If we go below the surface, we see it was all about the way she reverenced him.

What's a husband to do when his wife calls him lord?


I'm sure this may cause a man to take his guard down and make himself completely venerable. Which is something men may have difficulty doing. I can't speak for other husbands, but I can speak for mine.

The true essence of a man can't help but to respond to the counterpart of himself because she's of reflection of him; yet has many things that he, himself, can not obtain. Those things he can't obtain within him are made complete through his wife. At least this is what my husband conveys. He says that when a man is respected by his wife, he has need of nothing else.

So, I want to be like her. I want to be a wife like Sarah. I'm striving to respect my husband in such a way that I not only obey the Scripture, but that my life honors Him who breathe the words that gave me the pattern to follow.

My beloved and I are celebrating our anniversary this weekend. We are more in love today than ever before.

Before we were married.

The Marriage Bed

Bone of my Bone,
Flesh of my flesh
Breathe of my breathe
...My refuge, My safe haven
is in your arms with my head upon your chest
My covering, my protection
Enveloped with complete security.
listening to the rhythm of your heartbeat
It plays my favorite melody.
Your fingers run through every strand of my hair
a soft kiss on my head
Falling asleep in my favorite place,
pure and undefiled,
is our marriage bed.

By: Katrina Smith

Katrina Smith is the author of the book The Butterfly Movement ~ From Survival to Purpose

"My beloved is mine, and I am his." -Song of Solomon 2:16

Here lately I've been getting emails from women asking me what's acceptable in the marriage bed. What's acceptable in the marriage bed will vary from couple to couple. In saying that, I do know what is not acceptable. What is not acceptable is another person. In order for the marriage bed to be the sacred place God intended for the husband and wife, there cannot be any other person or anything that will distract the husband from pleasing his wife, the wife from pleasing her husband.

"Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! Also our bed is green." -Song of Solomon 1:16

The Shulamite woman said something here about their bed that really stood out to me. She said their bed is green. When something is green, it has life. There was life in their marriage bed. God's original intent for the marriage bed was not death, but life. Our marriage bed should be pure, undefiled and full of life.

Glimpse of Our Family

Each month I try to learn something new. This month I learned how to do videos. I was so proud of myself. My husband raved about my video so much that I wanted the world to see it. There's nothing like a man who thinks you're the best at everything you do :)

His Bride

"You are embedded in my heart. You dwell within me."

Just like the beauty of capturing fireflies in a jar on a warm summer's evening, are the beauty of these precious words spoken to me by my beloved. Once these words were spoken, I pictured myself running through fields covered with lavender being pursued by him. Not running too hard because I longed to be captured and held in his arms. 

"You're imagination has gone wild." as some would say.

Romantic as it sounds and unrealistic as it may be, I have these thoughts often of my beloved and me. For many years I've wondered what could bring a man to express these types of emotions? They say men are suppose to be tough and rugged. They are told being all emotional is wimpy. Somehow, my beloved is able to express himself in such a way that most men would cringe at the thought of doing it. The thought of letting their wives see them in such a venerable state causes a man to turn away from her, rather than let his true feeling show.

Mother's Day weekend was a special time for us. We spent time alone away from the children. Away from everything. Before we left, I knew our time away would be special. How special I didn't know for sure. We made a decision long ago that when we had alone time, it was just that. Alone. Being whisked away so quickly by my husband had me blushing. The excitement alone I could hardly contain, but I knew something would be different this time.....

"You are embedded in my heart. You dwell within me."

I was in awe over his choice of words. Looking into his eyes as I felt my hands being held by the hands that go out each day to provide for the children and me, I asked him to explain what he meant. His example was like that of a tree. The roots of a tree go deep. Roots grow all throughout the soil and intertwine with each other. They grow around hard rocks and still manage to survive.

While the tears of joy fell down my plump cheeks, there was a question that pondered my mind. Don't get me wrong. I was elated. Emotions were hard to contain. Between the tears and the giggles I asked, "What made you say that?"

His response was shocking to me because I didn't realize how important my actions throughout our marriage meant to him.

He went on to explain that I still acted like his bride.

Puzzled by his response because we've been married for some time now. I know there have been times when I didn't "act" my best. I inquired of him to expound so that I can understand. If my action brought out emotions like this, I want to keep "acting" this way.

He went on to explain that I still do the same things I did when we first met. Flabbergasted, I thought for sure I had grown and matured over the years. So being the inquisitive woman that I am, I wanted to know more. I wanted details.

To my surprise he proceeded to tell my that I've remained feminine all these years and still blush as if it's his first time talking to me.

Huh? That's it! I've been whisked away for a romantic weekend. Heard the sweetest words that a woman longs to hear all because I'm feminine and I blush. Surely there's got to be more than this.

Why wouldn't I remain feminine? After all, I knew from the very beginning it was the pink colors, soft shades purple, the twirl of my skirt and the way I curled my hair that kept his eyes focused on me. Blushing just comes naturally because I see the glistening in his eyes and I know what he's thinking upon my arrival to any setting, public or private.

I don't claim to be an expert on how to be the perfect wife. I'm far from it, but I think my husband may be onto something here. As women we long for that man who would open the car door for us. That man who would go out of his way to romance us and swoon at the sight of us. That same man who received a confirmation that yes we will become his bride.

Does your husband still see you as his bride? If not, is it because you no longer act like his bride?

My imagination of a bride consist of a woman who's blushing and makes an effort to be the best whenever she's in the presence of her bridegroom. It behooves us to continue "acting" like his bride long after the marriage covenant is made. Just as marriage represents an earthly relationship of Christ and the church, we are the church. As wives, let us be the example of what the church looks like.

As we anticipate the return our bridegroom, we so eagerly act like His bride. We make sure our hearts are clean because we know that He's coming for a church without a spot or blemish. In the same manner, let us always act like a bride to our husbands. Let our hearts remain steadfast focused on pleasing him only and our thoughts toward him pure.

"Pick Me!" But, Why Should He?

Being a married woman for all of my adult life doesn't make me an expert per se in the area of singleness. Some have told me that I'm the last person that should be dishing out advice to single women. Maybe they are right. But on the flip side, who would give the best advice to a single woman who's hoping to be found? Could it be a married woman that's been married all of her adult life? The odds are favorable for a single woman to become a helpmeet, if the advice was taken from another married woman and applied to her life.

We don't have to go very far to see women carrying the invisible sign that says "Pick Me!"

The question that I would like to pose, "Why should he? What makes you different from all the other women?" In order to be notice, you have to be different.

This is just my opinion and only my opinion. I believe men are looking for a woman who's wife material. There are many things that a man looks for when searching for a wife. One thing he's looking for is someone who can be a secret keeper. What do I mean by a secret keeper? Let me explain....

Whether they will admit it or not, men have very sensitive egos. They pride themselves on being the best in every area of their lives. When they are good at what they do, they want others to notice. When they fall short in an area, they quickly try to cover it up before anybody gets wind of it. When a man gets married, who sees the short falls in his life? His wife.

When a single man is searching for a wife, he's looking for one who doesn't gossip. He listens closely to what single women say about others in their conversations. If he sees that she is prone to gossip and speaks0 negatively about others, he does not see her as wife material. Why? Because he is afraid that she won't be a secret keeper and will expose his short falls for all to see. At the least, he knows that her friends will know about his short falls.

Over the years I've watched the prettiest girls get passed up for the girl who was least expected to get the guy. There have been times when I've even had to scratch my head and say, 'Hmmm....." He didn't choose her because she was the prettiest. He didn't choose her because she wore the latest fashions. He didn't choose her because of her hour glass figure. He choose her because she made him feel safe. He knew that she could be his secret keeper.

I'm Not Half Married

Many times I've conversed with other people about marriage. It's a subject that I'm passionate about and talk about it often. Throughout these conversations, I've often hear others describe their marriage as a 50/50 partnership. Which means each person give 50% to the marriage relationship.

I didn't know you could be half married. 

I always thought when you got married, you gave 100% of yourself. 

I wonder what would my marriage look like if I only gave 50% of myself.

By choice, I'm the primary cook in our home. I pour so much of myself into preparing delicious meals. My family waits with anticipation to taste the latest recipe that I've conjured up. But what would happen if I decided to give just 50% of myself into meal preparation? We wouldn't have the meal time around the table that we have come to enjoy as a family.

By choice, I freely give of myself to please my husband. My goal is to bring him satisfaction. In order to reach that goal, I can't stop half way and hope that a touchdown is scored.

By choice, we've decided that I would be home with the children and my husband would go out and work. Mothering is a full time job. When my babies were younger, I couldn't just nurse them half the time they needed to be nursed. Now that they are older, and need me so much more, I can't just be here for them 50% of the time that they need me.  Where or who would they turn to? The world, their peers, a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Not if I can help it!

My husband and I have a great marriage. We decided from the very beginning that we would each give 100% of ourselves to this marriage union. Giving 100% has proven to be successful for us. After 5 children, we still act like newlyweds. Not a day goes by without an "I love you." Flirting with each other is the norm in our home. It wouldn't be that way for us if we decided to have a 50/50 relationship.

 

I'm giving 100% of myself. Are you?

Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

* I must confess something here. There is one area where it seems that I'm only giving 50%. That's my laundry. My goal today is to give 75% of myself to the laundry! I will accomplish that if I get all the clothes washed today.

The Radiator, Submission and an Unexpectant Blessing

What does a radiator and submission have in common? Nothing really. Unless, you consider the fact that through a broken radiator, I had to decide whether or not I was going to submit my will or His.

Early one morning my husband came home and informed me that something was wrong with the car. With a big heavy sigh, I asked him if he let the car warm up. Then I proceeded to tell him 101 reasons why he should have let the car warm up. 

During the night we had one of the coldest nights thus far. The last thing we needed was a car that was broken. We had just brought it. Things were perfect because I was just issued my driver's license after not driving for some time.

Why would this happen?

Surely, if I get up and go down there the car would start. Yes it started, but idled high and over heated right away.

Don and I talked about what we were going to do. We looked at the money we had in the "car" envelope and there wasn't much there. We didn't know what was wrong with it. He had an idea that it was the radiator. Sure enough, it was.

I asked him if he wanted to have it towed somewhere. He said that wouldn't be necessary because he was going to fix it if I would hold the flashlight.

I just stood there. Outside on a cold November morning watching everything encircle me as I played those words over and over again. My husband has never fixed a radiator, at least I didn't think so.

I opened my mouth to ask him if he had ever fixed a radiator, but before I could finish my sentence, he said, "Honey, because you tell me all the time that I can do anything, I believe I can fix this radiator."

*Side Note: Ladies, please tell your husbands how much you believe in them. Other people can tell him that, but what really matters to him is if you believe in him.

We ordered the radiator. The part came in the next day.

We spent the following morning taking the old radiator out. It was a grueling task. I took the word helpmeet to a whole new level. I did manage to keep my cute skirt clean in the midst of it all.


On the third day, we spent another cold morning installing the new radiator. Got it in but the car wouldn't start. By this time, I was cold, tired and frustrated. Surely he would have someone to come fix it or have it towed.....

We came in and talked about our next move. I had a solution to the car problem. The neighbor next door had just gotten her car fixed by the mechanic down the street. She raved about him. A sister from church highly recommended her mechanic. She really trust him.

I presented my solution to take it to either one of these mechanics. He said no because there's no more money left in the car envelope. That was fine because we could use credit. I don't know why he didn't think of that. If only he would really listen to me. Our car problem could be solved in one day.

My husband said no because he felt that wasn't the answer. That was a quick fix and would put us in debt.

At this point not only did God had to control my tongue. He had to control my neck too. I'm a sistah girl from the ghetto. I know how to roll my neck and tell somebody off. I was very good at it BC (Before Christ).

He asked me to trust him in this situation. I panicked on the inside. I did manage to control my tongue and my neck! My flesh hurt though because I wanted to give into it and usurp his authority as head of our home.

It's easy to submit when you agree. It's when you don't agree that shows what you're really made of. I had to decide if I was going to practice what I teach other women to do. Submit, even when you don't want to or when you feel your husband is wrong. During these times, what's in your heart is really exposed.

Was there something in me that needed to be exposed? I had to step back and pray.....

Day four: We went out there trying to figure out what was wrong with the car. I had to remind myself to not only watch what I said, but my body language. (Note: A whole lot can be said without a spoken word. The body language will say it all.)

Day five: We went out there trying to figure out what was wrong with the car. Car didn't start. I suggested that maybe we should have someone come here to look at it verses towing it to a shop.

He looked at me and said, "That's a great idea."

Our friend couldn't come for another 2 days.

He came. He couldn't figure out what was wrong.

I wanted to bring up having it towed again. I heard a still small voice say, "Shhh....."

Laid down that night later than usual. We all had to get up early and ride in my sons cars to church.

My silent prayer, "Lord you said that if we would be faithful, you would open up the windows of heaven and pour out a blessing that we won't have room to receive. You said that men would give unto us. You said that I'm to reverence my husband and submit to him. I really don't understand, but I trust You."

I kept saying, "I trust You...."

I had to go back home. On my way back to church, Don called me and said a couple wanted to talk to us.

When I arrived at church, Don and I talked to the couple. They had just gotten a new car and wanted to give us their old one.

Our mouths dropped! Tears started to flow.....

They gave us a car! No strings attached. A nice car too.

Had I not come under the submission of my husband, even when I didn't agree with him, I would have missed out on what God was trying to teach me. He was teaching me to trust Him. Trust what the Scriptures say about my role as a wife.

Also, one can say that my husband should have just taken it to the shop. He decided to trust what God said in His word to owe no man nothing.

As a wife to my dear husband, I can trust him as head of our home because God is his head. There's safety in and submission. The rewards are great. Just look at my new car.

By the way, I named her Ginger because she's golden and very pretty!

Oh, I forgot to mention that the dealer where we brought our car from is sending their mechanic to our house to look at the broken car. I'll keep y'all updated ;)

She's Been Watching Me

This morning, my daughter Ruthie and I were texting. As always, it's such a joy anytime I talk to her whether via phone or text. When we are together, we make each other laugh without saying a word.

I realized this morning just how closely she's watched me all these years.

She was helping her husband get ready for work. She made him breakfast and packed him a good lunch. She even found some items he had lost. All this within 25 minutes. Her husband was so grateful that he ran back upstairs a minute after he started the car just to give her a kiss.

Ruthie said it's a great feeling helping her husband succeed even if it's with something as small as getting him off to work in time. Then she texted me this:

"Thanks mom, but I have you to thank. You set the example all these years. 

Little did I realize how much it impacted me!"

All these years of serving my husband were and are not in vain. My children were and are watching. I didn't realize those times when I kept my cool as my husband was scurrying around the house trying to find his keys or glasses would impact my children. But they were watching me. Especially my girls. Now that I look back, I'm so glad that I kept my mouth shut during those times when I wanted to lash out at my husband.

 Sarah and I two years ago having fun.

 Ruthie & I one year ago going to church.

 Me and my girls in April of this year at Ruthie's bridal shower.

Mothers, please know that you're children are watching you, Especially your daughters. Don't dismiss the small things you do in your home while serving your family. Those small things can and will have the greatest impact.

This picture of Ruthie and Sarah was taken yesterday while we were baking. 

I cherish these moments I spend with my girls.

 Mothers please cherish every moment you spend with your children. Make an impact on them today so that they can impact the world tomorrow.

Following him as he pursues Him

Call me a girl who's living in a fairy tale and I'll tell you that this is reality. Reality is that I have this unquenchable desire for my husband and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I must start off by saying, we are not perfect. Far from it. But there's a love so deep. This love continues to be fueled by the passion we have for God. I know my fore-mothers are disappointed in my choice of living a "subservient" lifestyle, as they call it. I call it freedom. Freedom to walk in my calling and live my life as a fascinating woman. Not only am I a fascinating woman, as my husband calls me, but I'm fascinated. Fascinated by a man who strong enough to be a man. Yet gentle enough to understand me, a woman. A man who's confident enough in who he is as man by encouraging me to be a woman. As a woman, God places such a high value on me. God said it wasn't good for my husband to be alone. He values me, a woman, so much that He created me to be a helpmeet to my husband. Now if being a helper makes a woman subservient in the eyes of some, so be it. Although, I must confess.....I love being a helpmeet to my husband.I love waking up in the morning thinking of ways I can help my husband's day go better.
Since I'm confessing stuff, I must confess that I pick up my husbands dirty clothes off the floor. I know he's a big boy, but I love to take a whiff of his shirts after a hard days work. He smells so manly.I must confess that I plan my meals around the foods he likes. There's no better sound in the world to me than my man grunting while eating a delicious meal I've prepared.I must confess that my body doesn't belong to me and I've freely given it to him. With a smile on my face too. Oh how I love reaping the benefits. Freely give. Freely you shall receive. How my heart aches for women who have good husbands, but chose to believe the lies by our fore-mothers. Our fore-mothers told us to follow no man. There are numerous Godly men who are just waiting for there wives to trust them. I encourage my sisters to follow them as they pursue God. 

"What Am I Going To Do Without You?!"

Don and I haven't had this conversation in a long time. There hasn't been a real need until recently. I'm going on a retreat this weekend. I'm scheduled to speak on "Inner Healing" and "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made."




Don: "What am I going to do without you?"

Me: "Ummm.....(smiling sheepishly) Yeah, what are you going to do without me?"

Don: "I don't know. When you're not here I feel so lost."

Me: "You scared you're gonna have to cook or clean huh? Maybe you're just scared that you're gonna have to iron your shirt on Sunday morning."

Don: "I know! Ya see what am I going to do without you?"


Some say he's spoiled, but I say he's well loved. Well, okay, I must confess, maybe he's a little spoiled. It's out of my love for him that I want to serve him. God used him to bring healing into my life. If my husband hadn't loved me unconditionally without any strings attached, there's no way I could go to a retreat and talk about inner healing.

I'm the first to say that I was a handful when we got married. I was an emotional train wreck still left on the tracks because no one knew how to rescue me. How could someone rescue me when they couldn't come within 3 feet of my space because I would shut down and shut people out. I had to protect myself and didn't want love from anybody. Love hurt. That's what I thought because everyone who said they loved me, hurt me.

Then one day this farmboy comes along from a small town that I have never heard of and captivated me with the love that's so rare. He modeled I Corinthians chapter 13, the love chapter. He was able to breakthrough to me and demonstrated the Godly love that I read about in the Bible.

My husband would treat me so good that I remember crying to a friend one day. I was crying because I read in the Bible that we're not suppose to have idols. I thought God was going to remove me because I may have been an idol in Don's life. Then I found out that he was just loving me like Christ loves the church.

Recently I over heard a brother from church asking my husband if he was spoiled. I wonder what gave him that impression?! I'm not sure how many men read my blog. I need to ask my husband if he does.....But for those of you men who do, if you want to be spoiled, love your wife like Christ love the church.....with no strings attached. For the women who read my blog, allow him to love you. No, he's not going to be perfect. Perfect love comes from the Father. If you give him a chance to love you as best as he knows how, he will learn along the way. He will learn even faster if you stop telling him how to do it. You can demonstrate by your actions in giving him honor and reverence.

I'm really going to miss my husband and children while I'm gone. One things for sure, I'm so glad that my husband feels lost without me than lost when he's with me.

Lots of "Mother/Daughter Talks" Going On In My House

On Sunday after church Don and I were in the car with Ruthie. Trae had taken the other kids home in his car and it gave us time with her. Lately, we've been trying to spend a lot of alone time with her. As parents we want to do our best to prepare her for marriage.

Ruthie and I have been having a lot of "Mother/Daughter" talks lately. Some have been so hilarious that I'm laughing as I type this. Some have been serious. Real serious, because we want her marriage to be what Christ intended for it to be. We feel that we would be doing our future son in-law a disservice if we give her to him unprepared. Don and I joke around that we are trying to secure our future and not end up lonely in a nursing home. One sure way to get a quick ticket to the "Seniors R Us Nursing Home" is not preparing our children. We don't want any of our future daughters and sons in-laws to resent us for not preparing our children for marriage. We want them to thank us one day.

As we were in the car, I mentioned to Ruthie that it's going to be nice to have Sunday dinners with her and Ryan. Then I turned around, smiled and said, "You know you're not going to be at our house every night for dinner."

That may sound harsh to some, but as a mother, I want her to establish her own home. She can't do that by being at my house every night. I told her that it's important for her husband to see her at their home and in their kitchen cooking meals for them. Of course we'll spend the holidays together, but even then, I informed her that she must establish holiday traditions for her family. She can use some of our traditions and even some of Ryan's family traditions, but they can have their own traditions as well.

I let her know that I was always here for her and just a phone call or a text away. Also, being a phone call away doesn't mean that we are going to spend hours talking on the phone either. Why? Because I'm building my house as well.

Hack! Hack! Hack! and Sweet Kisses

I received a text message from a dear friend this morning. She said, "Good morning." My text response to her was, Hack! Hack! Hack Crud! Hack! Hack! Crud!, etc..... It's was a good thing she wasn't standing in front of me. She may have been frightened by my manly voice and that awful hacking sound protruding from me. I then informed her that I was battling a cold. A bad one.

I've been under strict orders from my wonderful husband to rest and not do anything. That is very hard for me to do because I love being busy. Busy at home. I had all kinds of plans this week. I planned on taking out some my Spring clothes and putting away Winter clothes. I planned on starting a project that I will give to my precious daughter at her bridal shower. I planned on going to JoAnn's Fabric with my new coupons to see how far my $13 would go.

I took some over the counter medicine, which I don't like doing, but I needed some sleep. I don't remember much about this morning, but I do remember a few things. I remember my husband kissing me on the forehead before he left home to clean the church. The reason why I remember this is because it wasn't just one kiss, but many kisses. And they were sweet kisses too.

I'm not sure how much time had lapsed. Next thing I knew I felt those sweet kisses on my forehead again and this time he was telling me that he was leaving for work. Another thing I remembered was making sure the blankets were just so as I laid back down with a smile on my face. In spite of all the hacking, congestion, chest pain and sore throat, those sweet kisses managed to put a smile on my face :)

The Proposal

Before we homeschooled Ruthie, she met Ryan in middle school at the age of 12. They "liked" each other back then. Ruthie was homeschooled and we moved to Idaho and they lost contact. They found each other on Facebook back in May of 2009.I've always taught Ruthie to let the guy be the one who pursues. I'm thankful she listened. Ryan pursued her like non other. He was determined to get her attention by posting on her Facebook wall and commenting on her status updates. His persistance paid off, but he had another hurdle. My husband. Ryan took all the right steps and consulted Don and got his permission to court Ruthie. After a short time, Ryan asked Don if he could marry Ruthie. Don didn't say yes at first. He told Ryan that he would pray about it and let him know in 2 weeks. Well, a week later Don gave Ryan his blessing with the restriction of not "touching" or "kissing" Ruthie until the wedding day. Ryan agreed. Ryan and my husband now talk to each other at least once a week on the phone. Don told Ryan that now he's a part of the family. Being a part of the King family means lots of hugs and saying "I love you" I watched Don as he embraced Ryan just like he does his sons.

On May 22, 2009 @ 3:00 pm, Ryan and Ruthie will declare their love for each other in front lots of friends and family. We are excited to witness this special occasion and watch their testimony of how a "Father Led, God Inspired" courtship really works. They want to be an example to other single and young people that true love waits. Even waiting to share that first kiss together.

Here's the story of their proposal as told by Ryan and Ruthie.

Ok...so we are gonna be writing this together, so we'll be bouncing back and forth between me talking and Ryan talking...hope you can keep up ;)

RuRu: Well I woke up friday morning...nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't really have anything planned for the day so I got dressed for work and didn't do my hair. Little did I know, today would be one of the most amazing days of my life.

RyRy: Friday morning I woke up and the first thing that was on my mind was...FOOD!!! (haha jkjk) Seriously though...it was Ruthie. Knowing that today would be the day that I ask her to be my wife. Taking the shuttle to the airport from my dorm and getting onto the plane...knowing that she had no clue I was coming..Getting off the plane and riding to the Chapel in her parents car...stepping into the Chapel and spotting the most beautiful woman in the place (and world) singing and worshiping God, and me sitting in the back of the Chapel waiting for it to end so I could propose to her..

RuRu: The funny thing about that Chapel service was that after the first couple of songs, I stopped and looked around..because I could swear I felt Ryan there. You know how you spend so much time with someone and you can feel their presence when they enter into the room?...that's exactly what I felt. I would see people next to me or behind me out the corner of my eye--

RyRy: --Sorry but I just wanted to say that as she was looking around, I thought she had seen me, and the surprise was gone! But thank God she didn't see me!

RuRu: Yeah I had no clue! Ok...so...back to my story ;) I thought you were standing next to me. But I started to rationalize in my mind that "No...he's in school. There is no way he could be here.. STOP THINKING IT RUTHIE!" And the feeling was bugging me the whole way through the rest of the Chapel. Then Chapel ended...I looked around...just to make sure he wasn't there, got my stuff and started to walk through the center isle out the double-swinging doors.. And then, someone told me that someone was there to see me, so I turned around and...there was Ryan! I was in shock haha Literally I was paralyzed and started to say over and over "Are you really here?", and he reassured me that he was :)

RyRy: I'm going to back track and tell you when I was doing leading up to the proposal. I got to the Chapel about 40 mintues til the end of it and so I kind of lost track of what I was actually there for because the Chapel was so moving and powerful that I had to stop and start saying to myself "I am here to propose!!" So with about five mintues to go I went out into the little hallway to wait for Ruthie to walk down the middle isle. When she passed me and her friend told her that I was over by the wall, I started to walk towards her and she went into her "Are you here" stage. And then I told her..."Ruthie, you know i love you. You know that God destined us to be together." Then I got down on one knee and pulled out the ring that was in my pocket and said those four wonderful words..."Will you marry me?"

RuRu: And I looked into his eyes...and knew in my heart...that the answer was yes. And so at the entrance way of the Chapel, with a big group of people around, I smiled and laughed a little...and said "Yes!".... Gosh that was wonderful :D Then we turned around and my parents rushed in, Mom with the camera in hand and captured a few of those precious moments. This was absolutely unexpected and I loved it. Ryan proposed in the most unpredictable and special way. And I'm very very proud to say that I am going to marry him, and spend the rest of my life with this wonderful man!

RuRu & RyRy: Thats all folks!! haha