I Only Have One Shot

Some things in life I only get one shot to hit the target. There are many things that I can redo. I can redo the country decor in my home and bring it up to date with a more modern look. Many times I've looked in the mirror to redo my hair because I'm trying to cover up the wisdom that is starting to show through my black hair. One thing I can't redo is the watching my children grow up. I only have this time once.

Sarah is 12 today. She's at a fun age. It seems as though it was yesterday that I held her in my arms and nursed her for the first time. Those past years are gone and I can't redo them. Although sometimes I wished I could. Like the morning when she was 5 years old. I was impatient with her because she didn't read "Dick and Jane" the way she read it the previous day. Reflecting back on it, how silly of me. We live and we learn.

Don and I have spent countless hours late at night talking about our marriage and children. Guess you could say we communicate a lot and I believe that plays a huge part in our success here at home.

He was telling me about the peace he has at work because he knows I'm here taking care of home. We got into a conversation of me working outside the home. Only because I brought it up. It's the farthest thing from his mind. I'm not sure why I wanted to talk about it. Maybe because it's considered the normal thing for a woman to do once her kids are older. After all, my youngest is 12 and I've received enough hits from other woman that it may be time. Struggling to overcome my man pleasing and wanting to fit it, reality hit.

Reality hit when Don reminded me the passage of Scripture in Proverbs 29:15, "The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother."

I was so blessed to hear how much he appreciates me and the things I do around here. Things that I thought go unnoticed. He reminded me how valuable I was in the home. He said without me, there would be no home. It would just be a place to live. I couldn't help but blush and bat my eyelashes. He praised me as a mother to his children and remarked that they are the way they are largely due to the sacrifices I've made.

At one point in my life I didn't think I could be a good mom. When I started having children, I was young. Real young. One thing I knew for sure, I wanted the hearts of my children to belong to Christ. Which meant I had to do my part.

God had given me the right arrow (His Word) to target the core of their hearts. It was up to me to do the right thing with the arrow. I only had one shot. I couldn't go back and redo this. I had to take time to study the hearts of each one of my children to make sure I didn't miss the target. I couldn't be wrapped up in myself. The time is at hand right now.

There are so many things trying to capture the hearts of my children. The things of the Earth have their arrows ready. Waiting patiently for their moment to target the hearts of my children. I must take on the role that Jesus did. He became a mediator between God and man. I must be a mediator between the world and the hearts of my children.

I have my arrow in hand. I may miss out on shopping trips, extended vacations and dining out, but I won't miss my target....the heart of my children.

Making Memories

My 19 year old son really got me to thinking this week about eternal things. One day, I will go into eternity and the things of Earth won't matter anymore. To me at least. What will matter are the memories that I leave behind for my family to cherish.

I've been on a quest since becoming a mother and a wife to make every second count. During this quest I'm hoping to make memories that will be cherished not only by my children, but my children's children as well.

Sarah (11), has been learning how to sew. I've been teaching her this summer to make simple things. She just completed her first apron that she made for her older sister who just got married.

One day while sewing, I touched her precious hands as I helped her guide the material through the sewing machine. I gently closed my eyes. I remember those same hands used to be so tiny that she could barely wrap them around my finger. The smell of the Johnson's Baby Lotion came to my mind. Oh, how I loved that smell. That smell how now been replaced by Bath & Body Works lotion. Where did time go?

I smiled as our hands touched and we finally got a straight 5/8 in. seam. She looked at me with excitement in her eyes. It was a proud moment for her and a memory she will never forget.

Sarah's precious hands

It's reversible

My Passion Stems From My Past

I had an interesting conversation with someone. During this conversation I was told that it seems like I had it all together. My life seems like it's perfect. This person wasn't being mean, but I had to chuckle a bit. I don't have it all together. The perfect life happens sometimes when I'm asleep at night. I'm dreaming of course.

I explained that my passion for marriage, family, purity, and home life, stems from my past. A lot of things happen in my life that would disqualify me to speak on such subject. I failed. I failed multiple times. I didn't do well on some of the tests that I had to take in life. The school of hard knocks taught me many valuable lesson that I've passed on to my children. But God!

God broke down the hard wall that encased my heart. After watching the men around me mistreat women, I vowed to never submit to any man and have him tell me what to do. I wanted to be Ms. Corporate America and bring freedom to women everywhere. Case in point, a friend reminded me of the time I took a briefcase to school in the 8th grade. I was serious about not growing up being barefoot and pregnant.

At a young age I desired marriage and wanted lots of children. If more women are honest, they do too. Fear of having to share my husband with other women caused me to push that desire to the back of my mind. Most of the wives I knew accepted the idea that a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. I was told, "A piece of man is better than no man at all." But my heart was crying out to someday have a husband that would be faithful to me. In my quest to find that at a young age, I failed. I made so many mistakes.

My heart became hard. Bitterness found a recliner and made itself at home in my heart. Bitterness had the nerve to bring a newspaper to read because it knew it would be there for a while. It had found a safe dwelling place.

When I allowed God to change my way of thinking, brick by brick the walls came down. I saw marriage the way God intended for it to be. A wise older woman prayed for me constantly. God sent other women to help me see that my way of thinking was contradicting to the written Word of God.

I could no longer deny my desire for lots of children. I'm a woman. I have a womb. My womb cried out to be filled. To deny the fact that my womb exist, was a denial of my Creator who created it for a purpose.

When the truth was presented to me that all the murmuring about not wanting a man was lie, I became indignant. How dare she confront me and call me a liar? She didn't confront me it was the Word of God.

The Lord God said to the woman in Genesis 3:16, "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, and He shall rule over you."

I couldn't deny it any more. Yes I wanted to be married and have lots of children. Yes I wanted to be a stay at home mom and walk around barefoot and pregnant. I don't like wearing shoes anyway. (By the way, my husband loves me being pregnant. Most men do, although they may not admit it.) Yes I wanted my husband to enjoy my home cooked meals after he came home from work. Yes I wanted a Godly man to make decisions regarding the family. The only way to have that, I had to change.

My life has changed. I've decided to not burn the bra, but put lace on them instead. I don't have to roar in order to be heard. Women don't know the power they have when they use their sweet voices.

My past may not qualify me to teach on certain things. It's not my past that qualifies me. It's God. From a painful past, my passion rise. My passion stems from my past.

*Luke 7:36 ~ A Sinful Woman Forgiven

Has Sandra Died Yet?

As I passed by the mirror today, I stopped for a moment to take a look at the reflection sharing back at me. It had been a while since I've taken inventory of what's really inside of me. Not sure why I felt a need to take inventory, but I did. It is not because things aren't going good in my life, but I wanted to see what others saw when they looked at me. It's obvious that others can not see the hidden man of the heart. Only God can. One thing I do know is what's in my heart will eventually come out of my mouth. Whether I want it to or not. The Scripture tells me that out of the abundance of my heart, my mouth will speak. That I will be justified by my words and condemned by them also.

How can I go day after day, doing the same routine over and over again without feeling like insanity is lurking around the corner waiting to attach itself to me the minute I turn my back?

As I pondered this question, I couldn't help but notice the words "I" and "me." Then it hit me. It's all about me. Not the Christ who dwells in me. Repentance must take place because I have not followed the plan laid out for me in the Word of God.

Have I died to self yet and realize that it's not about me, but Him? I thought I did, but with my own power I seem to somehow manage to resurrect my flesh and give into the god of "me"ism.

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." -Galatians 2:20

In order for me to continue to do what God has called me to do, I have to crucify "me." There are times when my flesh does not want to serve my family, my church and the people around me. Why? Because it's an inconvenience for me, it doesn't fit into my schedule and the things I really want to do that day. Others may not know that I feel this way at times, but if I don't die to self on a daily basis they will. Eventually it will flow from my mouth. When it does, I won't be around to clean up the vomit that's just been spewed. I'll be busy taking care of "me."

As a mother and a wife, I want the words that flow from my mouth to be pleasing to my family. Words go into eternity and they can't be taken back. I don't want this to be about me because it's not. It's about Christ. He (Christ) must increase, but I must decrease.

The Hype About Kissing

Some have asked us, "What's the big deal with kissing? Why such restrictions put on young adults who are over the age of 18? They are engaged right, so it is okay huh?"

Since the beginning of Ryan and Ruthie's courtship, Don made it perfectly clear to Ryan that he can not touch his daughter nor kiss her until after they said I do. Ryan gave his word and kept his promise to Don.

When it became public knowledge that Ryan and Ruthie were waiting to kiss until after they said "I do," the question arose as to what's the big deal with kissing. There's nothing wrong with kissing. In fact, I love kissing and I'm all for it because it's a form of intimacy. Intimacy is something that should be shared between a husband and wife according to scripture.

As a young teen, I did my share of kissing and I'm not proud about it. Those kisses lead me down a path of destruction because it opened up a door that led to a room in my heart where only my husband was suppose to dwell. The results from kissing left me sad and frustrated. Sad because I so wanted to be cherished. Frustrated because I wasn't.

Was my daughter doomed to repeat the same mistakes I did? I wasn't sure at first. They say history has a way of repeating itself. I didn't want my daughter to make the same mistakes such as the ones I made. With all the Christian jargon about generation curses I didn't know what to believe. One thing I knew for sure is that the God I serve had redeemed me from a life of sin. With that redemption, the generation curses would only be passed down if I allowed it. I was not going to let that happen.

In Song of Solomon, the Shulammite woman reminds the Daughters of Jerusalem not to arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Kissing can and does arouse the sexual senses that we all have. We are kidding ourselves if we think that our children will not be aroused when kissing that young man or woman. Once those sensual desires are awakened, what's a young man or woman suppose to do? However they deal with it outside the marriage bed to bring satisfaction and release is sin.

As a mom, I've taken the lines from the Shulammite woman and remind my kids constantly not to arouse love prematurely. Many hours of dialog are spent in our home talking about purity and the rewards it brings.

I had an interesting conversation with Ruthie weeks before the wedding. I asked her if they've talked about the kiss that they will share at the altar on their wedding day. After she turned beet red, she said, "No we haven't talked about the kiss. We've decided not to talk about anything like that." That was music to my ears.

The picture above was taken right after the kiss.

Living the S.I.L.K. Lifestyle in a D.I.N.K. Society

I had no idea until Monday afternoon that my newlywed children were living the lifestyle desired by many. It's the D.I.N.K. lifestyle. I had no idea that this lifestyle had a name until a dear friend mentioned it. I've known numerous couples over the years that lived this lifestyle, but I've never been one to experience it. D.I.N.K. is an acronym for Dual Income No Kids.

If I can be honest here, I'm not sure if I can talk about a subject that I'm not familiar with. Although there was a time when we were a dual income family with kids. Lots of kids according to what was told to us. We may not have been a D.I.N.K. couple, but I know first hand the trap of a dual income family.

During the early years of my marriage I was busy at home bringing children into this world, being a happy homemaker and wife. I thought we were doing great. Financially it was tough. I didn't realize it at the time until someone else told me that I was denying my children a "good life" because we couldn't afford to go on vacation or buy the latest clothes or gadgets. I was torn when someone felt that I needed to face reality and go out and help my husband with the bills.

So I started working for the school district and eventually got a job at the same school my children were attending. From the outside it looked as though I had the "perfect" job. When I left in the morning my children were in tow with me. It was nice to see my children during the day, but home was always on my mind.

As the years went by I met another mom who worked at the same school as myself. Her children attended there as well. During recess time, her and I would have playground duty. One day we started talking about missing being at home. From that day on we would stand on the playground and daydream about being home. The job of watching other people's children was the last thing on our minds. I know it's sad, but true. My heart was toward home, not playground duty.

That school year Don and I talked about me quitting and coming home with the kids. We had already started homeschooling one of our children because he was struggling with Math and English. Don was home during the day while I was working. He worked nights. He would teach a few subjects and I would teach the rest when I got home.

I remember one night while trying to cook dinner, help my son finish his English and helping the other kids with their homework, I snapped. It wasn't the sound of the sweet snap, crackle and pop that my children heard coming from their cereal bowls earlier that morning. It was a hurling cry from the depths within me. I cried out and said, "I can't do this anymore!" Call me a whimp, but I wasn't equipped to do it all. I'm not every woman. It's not all in me.

When Don got home that night he made a final decision that I would finish out the school year and come home again. I was so relieved to know that I wouldn't be coming home solo, but my children will be in tow.

The following weekend we sat at the kitchen table trying to work some kind of magic with numbers. I looked at Don and told him these numbers don't lie there's no way we can pull this off. He reminded me of the time when the children were younger and all the provisions that God made for us. Thus, we decided to listen to the Nike commercial and just do it!

Although I've never lived the D.I.N.K. lifestyle, I'm living a S.I.L.K. lifestyle. I love it and it feels good. We have chosen a S.I.L.K. lifestyle and our children benefit greatly from it. The rewards are not instant. Now that some of our children are young adults, the rewards are plenty when the words "thank you" flow from their lips. I wouldn't trade this S.I.L.K. lifestyle for anything. That's a lifestyle of Single Income Lots of Kids.

I can testify that we have never gone hungry. We have always had a roof ever our head. We stood back then and are still standing on God's word today.

"I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." ~Psalms 37:25

Well Behaved Women

On Saturday afternoon I was alone in the car with my honey for the first time in a week. We had just left the church where our oldest daughter had just married and we were on our way to the reception. (I will post about the ceremony later.) We were stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. I was glowing as I laid my head back to rest as Don had asked me to. I had a hard time closing my eyes because I couldn't stop looking at him. I so admired the man sitting behind the steering wheel and just wanted to continue gazing at him as he drove. Being tired, it didn't take long before I drifted off to sleep. As brief as it was, it was refreshing.

We came to a quick halt and I opened my eyes. Don gently put his hand on me to apologize because a car had cut in on us and he had to hit the brakes. I looked at the car in front of us and saw a bumper sticker on it. It said, "Well behaved women rarely make history."

I couldn't stop staring at it because I wondered how many women believe that. I, for one, could not and would not receive that. According to the standards of society, I'm consider a well behaved woman. True as that may be, what's not true is that there's a chance I may not make history.

What does it take to make history?

I have several answers to that questions. When I woke up this morning and ministered to my family by taking care of my home, I was making history. Even as I sit here right now writing this blog, I'm making history. I started on my history making journey when I decided to do things contrary to what was popular. I looked back in history trying to figure out where our society went wrong. In the late 60's - early 70's, there was a shift in our land. Women were told by other women they didn't have to behave anymore. Thus began the feminist movement that was suppose to bring freedom to women. As a child I remember looking around and wondering what happened. Some things in history don't need to be repeated.

In my quest, I found this~
Thus says the Lord: "Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old paths, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls..." Jeremiah 6:16

I've decided that I'm going to continue to behave while making history. Who knows, maybe I'll be in the history books one day and you may not realize it. I'll be the mother of the worldchangers that you're reading about.